Wednesday, February 28, 2007
One thing I know about my anxiety is the more OTHER people I have to worry about the less I worry about myself, and the anxiety is MUCH less. The last time I had a lot of people to worry about was the three years I coached the guy's soccer team at my old High School. I was really a conditioning coach, I realized early that these guys were only going to get better by playing and the better condition they were in the more, and better, they played. We went to state my last year and I have really good memories (and a few memories of swearing that I would never have children) of these guys. So, I am excited to say that I am going to coach the alumni game a week from Saturday...it should be fun.
I have decided that cutting chocolate out for Lent is going to make me GAIN weight. I keep trying different things (Momma brought me a piece of pumpkin cake with cream cheese icing and two cinnamon muffins this afternoon) to try and replace the happiness one little piece of dark chocolate brings me.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
(my right side directly under my rib cage)
(can't breath through my nose)
(is spitting in public part of a runner's world?)
(moved for 40 minutes, probably ran 15)
(Just thinkin' about tomorrow clears away the cobwebs, and the sorrow 'til there's none! )
Monday, February 26, 2007
Today was a pretty slow day, spent most of it playing with Tommy ("Do it again"), chasing Kozmo through the woods ("KOZMO, STOP AND STAY") and hangin' with Momma and Dad Man. Did get a Cinnamon Dolche Latte at the Buck this morning, so good!!! Also had a little pampering time and got a pedicure from my friend Dawn this afternoon.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
So, we jumped the car and went to the dealership, swung by and picked up S and headed to my parents. There we celebrated my sister's birthday. I would like to say that we had dinner at a bbq place, but I can not call it a TRUE bbq place b/c they did not serve nanna pudding!
VERY GOOD. Then I had a very average dessert...a lot of places are doing donuts now (Smokey Bones does them best) and I tried Friday's...OK.
It was Senior night for my Mocs and they played OK (a trend this season) and lost (another trend this season). We are still unsure if we are going to go to the tourney next week, a couple of other factors have recently come into play that suggest that we probably will not go. I can not put my finger on my emotions on this issue...not sure if, in the end, I will be disappointed about not going or not!?!
Lazy day tomorrow..maybe I'll read up on how to push a car...
Friday, February 23, 2007
S and I did a walk/run (since it has been so long we went back to four minute walk, two minute run with a four minute run at the end) in the neighborhood last night. It was a beautiful evening...shorts and a long sleeved T shirt and I was good to go! This was my first off treadmill run and my knee seems good today - which is promising! I also enjoyed having that time with S and hope that we do it more often. I am sure that it will be 30 degrees again soon and I will be back on the treadmill!
Gettin' to see Jimmy tonight - SO excited! We are celebrating my sister's birthday (which was the 21st) at my parents house and having bbq. Personally, I am excited about dessert, which will be nanna pudding - which is good b/c that means that I will be able to have a wonderful, non chocolate, dessert!
And finally, I think that I am officially addicted to the Ricola honey lemon cough drops! I've heard that admitting there is a problem is the first step to a cure...
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Well our humble little town was blessed by a visit from our President yesterday. My hubby had lunch at the same restaurant W did, leaving about 30 minutes before he got there. S swears that W is sitting in the same seat he sat in.
I just have one, very simple question for the man, Why (WHY WHY WHY) are we in Iraq. It is a very simple question, and all I would like is a simple answer! ESPECIALLY now that we know that a Taliban-like terrorist group is gaining strength in Afghanistan and Pakistan...why are we trying to referee a Civil War in Iraq! It is like watching a basketball game, knowing your team is playing the wrong defence, and watching helplessly as the other team throws an alli oop for a back door slam!
So, anyway...back to my reality (or as John Mayer would say, "I'll just keep on waiting for the world to change".), pretty routine day yesterday. After his brush with the President, S got to go to the Tennessee/Alabama basketball game last night - which went into overtime and TN won! S, however is a Bama fan, so he was not quite as thrilled. So, I had the evening to myself to knit, read my Marie Claire and watch LOST!
Once again, I am the only person in America that enjoyed last night's episode of LOST. I am not sure what people want from the show...don't they realize that if we find out all the answers - the show will end, I do not want the show to end. Having spent a month is Thailand, and visiting the same beach as Jack did, I enjoyed his flashbacks to Thailand.
As for my Marie Claire - pretty good issue. I am not totally happy with the "revamping" they did last year. I think that they wanted to appear more mature - I think the magazine appears more - blah. BUT they still have the best content of any mag on the stand!
Getting back on the treadmill tonight - I am sure there will be whining tomorrow (it has been two full weeks since I ran, uhg). Off to find some non-chocolate baking recipes!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
The hs and I had a good meeting. As I have mentioned before my baseline issue is worrying about others more than I worry about myself (AND I am a huge hypochondriac, but we can talk about that another time, when I feel 100%). I really need to face reality on this one, being a southern woman "martyrdom" seems to be in my DNA!
Went home and tasted one of my first meals since being sick. I made a bbq chicken quesadillia and it was delish!
Then, the busy morning and still not feeling great caught up with me and Koz and I slept for a good part of the afternoon and then headed to my meeting. STILL have not made it to the Y...Thursday will be the day!
Never thought I would say this...but I think it is time for Gilmore Girls to end. The same stories keep repeating. I realized this when watching the promo for next week (lane goes into labor during her baby shower) and was excited that it was not about any of the main story lines. I am intrigued about where the Rory and Logan story line is going...is he going to have to ask his father for help, will his father then reject Rory again? I have been thinking for a while that Logan will have to (in some way) whose between Rory and his wealthy life style.
Then my beloved Law and Orders did not disappoint. Love that show, it is scary how much I watch it, between re-runs and NBC.
Finally, I have to say that I am REALLY missing my hair...I cut it all off in July '06 for locks of love and I am ready to have it all back! It is finally in a place that I can put it back in a pony tail...but I am SO ready to be able to whip it back and wrap it into a cute bun...LOOK AT THAT HAIR!
This great pick was taken by my photog friend Matt Dunmore...
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
Winter '06 and '07 I will remember being SICK! I did not get out of bed this weekend. And only thanks to my two nurses, Koz and S, I am out of bed today. I am convinced it is the OJ and Chicken soup, not Musinex and nasal spray, that have helped me out of bed! Luckily, I have today off too, and I am able to take it easy (the Wall and a PM basketball game (no yelling allowed..yea right...) are my only planned outings). I am about to do some major googling to figure out how I can make sure this season of sickness NEVER happens again!!!!
Before the weekend in bed, Jimmy was born - he is just the cutest thing EVER.
AND to make this even sadder I was a total lazy bones, no excuses, and did not run last week. I thought I would catch up this weekend and then got sick and did not run this weekend! So, tomorrow will probably feel like day 1 all over again!
I did catch up on some cute, only watch when there is NOTHING else to do, movies this weekend: Mean Girls, 10 Things I Hate About You, How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days and The Wedding Planner (I really did not get out of bed!). And I will say that Mean Girls is a good watch, if nothing else to laugh at the irony encrusted in the fact that Lindsey Lohan stars in the movie.
And another big thanks to S for taking care of his whinny, needy wife.Still shaking
Still in pain
You put me back together again
(You all probably know this is U2's Trip Through your Wires, if you did not know that I INSIST that you buy, borrow or download the Joshua Tree album ASAP! Just as my parents forced Peter, Paul and Mary on me, I will insist my kids listen to Joshua Tree!)
Friday, February 16, 2007
I told you all about Andy's cool blog:
Then yesterday I was on Andy's blog and found Johnny's cool blog!
Forget a 10K - this guy is training for a triathlon!! Impressive!
And if my husband is reading this, I promise to find some female blogger friends soon!
I am happy to announce that James Dominik Gianassi was born this morning (around 8:50 AM est) weighing in at 7 pounds 10 oz and all of 19 inches. I can hardly contain myself while I sit here waiting for the OK to head to the hospital! (not sure I spelled his middle name right!)
All the negative thoughts that I had yesterday calmed by the arrival of Jimmy. S has said to me several times, if you are so worried about dying tomorrow why not enjoy today, obviously the words of someone who has never had anxiety, but so true. At this time, not taking the meds, I could not enjoy the day yesterday for fear of the future. I have a new nephew TODAY!
The meds were working so well I am going to go back to my routine until I can feel a resolution from the OB issue. There is no reason to spend six months in a constant state of anxiety when a remedy is stating me in the face. I felt so much better last night after I took the meds again - there is no reason to worry.
Perhaps part of surrendering is allowing myself to trust that the Lord will help me get pregnant at the right time, for me, and give me the strength, at that time to make it through each day with as little anxiety as possible. And, as my wise sister said, if it does not go well (when you try to stop) know that maybe the Lord wants you to take the meds. I am going to go bounce around the house until they call with the OK to come by - I will post a pic ASAP!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Another REM song...
Cause your head’s shaking cause your arms are shaking
And your feet are shaking cause the earth is shaking
LOST WAS ON LAST NIGHT!!!!!
SOMEHOW I managed to fall asleep last night and miss it, but due to the excellence of modern technology I watched it on my cpu.
AND i must tell you that I really enjoyed it. I have been to abc.com and found out that the fact I enjoyed that a lot of the show was not on the island, and that I am in LOVE with Des, is pretty widespread.
BUT the most wonderful thing of all is that I saw a reference without having to read about it after the show (big time - i.e. never happened before!)...I noticed that the man with the red shoes was crushed in similar fashion to the Witch in the Wizard of OZ! I knew watching that movie 10,000 would pay off some how. I did not pick up on the Oasis song, I should have b/c I love that song! I hope Des is the one to save Charlie - I love Charlie (even bad Charlie) too!
Des is officially the first LOST character to make me cry this season...Now I want SO BAD for Penny to find him - I can't wait to see how this all works out.
It shows how all the characters are connected. It also helps me keep up with the fast thinkers on the message boards.
OK that is all - I am going to go home and nap. I need to go to the Y tonight and run (did not go Tuesday - Bad Girl!)!
You take a walk and you try to understand
Nothing can hurt you
Unless you want it to
There are no answers
Many reasons to be strong
You take a walk, you take a walk
You take a walk and you try to understand
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
I am planning on making some cookies that I saw on the web :
Well I think that is it for today. I am proudly sporting my red "there's no place like home" shoes today (imagine Dorothy's slippers without the sparkles and a boxier shape)! Love 'em. Usually wear them with a sun dress or Capri's in the summer, trying to pull them off with skinny jeans and tights today - not sure if I have accomplished that or not (S, the fashion guru, left b/4 he saw the outfit and could tell me which 80's concert it appeared I would be attending!).
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
In addition to this, after hearing at the Grammy's and from my more conservative (than I) Bible study friends, "I can do anything through Jesus Christ" I really started thinking about the meds. I really want to believe that I can go off them - but this is a really slippery slope. I really want to be pregnant in the next year (or so) and I know that I need to cut back or change or stop the meds - I am not sure how.
THEN I started thinking about my run/walks and how I have been patient enough with myself to build up to running, as opposed to killing myself by trying to run 45 minutes the first day. I equated that to the meds and I have decided that I am going to try the same approach...but by cutting down the meds, as opposed to building up to a 10 K run.
So, I am on 60 mg of Prozac now and I want to be off of it by the time I run my 10K (mid June). In essence, switching the running and the meds. Starting today and through March I am going to take 40 mg a day. Then at the beginning of April go down to 20 mg a day and hopefully feel strong enough, by June to stop the meds all together.
My method of stretching, or quieting my mind like stretching quiets my muscles, with be building my relationship with Jesus. Allowing myself to let go of control and be OK with that, be able to hand it off and know that I can and will be a stronger, better and brighter person when I do. I need to find the place in myself that knows that by building my personal faith I am not alienating anyone around me - I am actually allowing myself to love them more completely and truly.
On a lighter note, this is the official warning to all who know and love me that I very well may be a basket case in the near future - but it is just not about you right now, so you are going to have to deal with it! (Wow that was liberating in and of itself!)
Monday, February 12, 2007
Funny...I belted a long sweater that I had on with black pants to wear to church. I asked S if he liked the belt and he said it looked like I was going to a Tears for Fears concert. So, I am ALSO thinking that if you DID wear it the first time, maybe you should not wear it the second time!
My Mocs won Saturday night!
And the blt was SO good - never is as good as the first time - but SO GOOD. And it made me think of a wine to recommend. Although Hair of the Dog was out on Saturday night, they serve Big House Red and that is a very good, very cheep (usually $9.99) table red (The first time I picked it up was the label, of course) ! I did the Twin Finn Merlot which was fine, but do check out Big House Red...
I will be getting some of that on the way home!
I did walk/run Saturday, a total of 3.5 miles in 45 minutes...not bad for the fourth go at it. I did push myself on this one, running for longer periods at a faster pace (4.8 on the beloved treadmill).
And, as promised, a picture of Kozmo's best friend Percy:
One more thing...
Check out Andy's blog at http://twitchinghoof.blogspot.com
Andy, like myself, suffers from anxiety disorder but he lives in Australia. I love his blog b/c he has a pup on the front page and he defended Obama and blasted Bush...smart man!
Saturday, February 10, 2007
The one part of Wednesday afternoon/night that was good, and that I did not mention, was the return of LOST. Love that show. More than anything I love to get online after the show is over and figure out everything that I missed. Because my brain refuses to absorb and retain everything week to week I have not had the let down that others had with the fall season - it is all, very simply, a nice escape from reality to me. And I love that the island has allowed all of the character to break out of their molds and in most cases become bolder and braver than they were - that would be nice!
Also, the oatmeal cherry cookies I made Wednesday turned out really well. Everyone really liked them at the meeting Thursday night. To get the recipe go to:
www.marthastewart.com and search oatmeal cherry cookies and you will find them.
I could not find dried cherries, so I used cherry flavored dried cranberries and I added dark chocolate chips to half the batch - and I think I will add them to the entire batch if I make them in the future.
Yesterday was busy at work. Koz was such a good boy. He was on the mountain playing with his friend Percy all day Thursday and I think he was really warn out! I will post a picture of Percy soon - they are quite the pair.
Last night S and I could not figure out what we wanted to do for dinner. So we decided to get in the car and drive around and get take out somewhere. Well, he decided he wanted bbq (which I knew I did not want) and I decided I would just make a quesadilla at home...then we both decided to just eat what we had at home...so, basically, we went for a nice ten minute drive!
I must also say, today, that I am truly sad that Anna Nicole's life ended the way that it did. People, in general, seem a little flippant about it - I think it is really sad - especially for her daughter. That little girl will hear so much about her mother and not have the experience to know what is true!
OK - so, bacon. Tonight I will go watch my beloved Moc's basketball team play www.gomocs.com and hopefully win - they NEED a win. So, before the game we are going to Hair of the Dog http://www.hairofthedogpub.net/photos to, "pregame it" and I LOVE the BLT there!
AND the quote on my google home page today is from Sir Francis Bacon and it is a quote that I need to remember - and advise I should use:
Silence is the virtue of fools.
-Sir Francis Bacon
Going to the Y to do a run/walk. And I THINK my Lucky magazine might be in the mailbox - which makes me very happy. (FYI - also finally read my Glamour - great issue!)
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Yesterday confirmed to me that I am a crazy routine oriented person. I love my morning routine, which includes coffee, oatmeal and soduku after having fed Koz and before getting ready. The routine is, of course, much more detailed than that and allows me to wake up slowly and completely. The entire day yesterday was totally out of whack b/c my routine was changed! I fed Koz, got ready quickly, ate cereal out of a baggie, and rushed on. YUCK! Later in the day I did find an antidote! Another of my (new) favorite Cinnamon Dolce Latte at Starbucks and a little 45 minute nap. So, by 6 PM things were back to normal...
A couple of things I have found on the web recently:
- I am the nosiest person in the world (if I am visiting clean your medicine cabinet!) and I think that is why I love this site so much: http://www.cavemanscrib.com. Of course this is a Geiko site, but I think it is really clever.
- My favorite scent, Clinique in Bloom is back for a limited time only. They still do not have a lotion or body wash to go with it, which makes me sad, but it is the BEST scent.
- I was looking at ivillage and they have a quiz to find your celebrity twin: http://quiz.ivillage.com/entertainment/tests/CelebDoubleQuiz.htm. My celebrity twin is Reese Witherspoon, I am flattered - but not quite convinced of the tests accuracy.
- I visit about.com a lot to read articles about OCD and GAD and was surprised to learn that Paula Dean suffered from agoraphobia: http://panicdisorder.about.com/od/famouspeople/p/pauladeen.htm. Love her show, lover her restaurant, love her personality! She is a great example and the article ends with a great quote:
I would start the journey of mending. I would never again let myself be a victim of controlling fear. I feel as though I have two birthdays: the first one on January 19, 1947, and the other on June 19, 1989. That was the day that I totally became responsible for myself and my actions.
Monday, February 5, 2007
To add to that I recently committed to Scott that I would go to the Y with him, and a buddy of ours, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, but that has a new wrinkle. I am going to train with my sister-in-law, and a group from her work, for a 10K in July. I ran for the first time in a LONG time yesterday. I should say I did a walk-run. The first step in the progression to six miles. I warmed up for five minutes then ran two minutes and walked four minutes for thirty minutes and then cooled down for five minutes.
I am realizing today that, as a result of the commitment to the run, I need to re-enter the world of yoga. I have found, in the past, that I am too competitive for yoga...if the person(s) next to me are in a certain position, I want to be in that position too! This attitude has yielded many pulled muscles. At this point I think that there will actually be another internal drive to the yoga (being able to move, maybe) that will divert my attention from the people around me.
Clear Spring is the place to go AND it is co-owned by the mother of my first boyfriend. Or, should I was the first boy I "went with" (Oh those were the days!) So I will be heading back there, soon!
A good friend of mine recently opened a book store and I am also joining the Southern Literature Book Club there. I am going to go pick up the book this afternoon. It is a great bookstore: http://www.rockpointbooks.com/
So, I hope to stay a, happy, busy little bee.
Finally, note to self: do not nap instead of taking Koz on walks over the weekend b/c he will be a royal pain in the office on Monday!
Sunday, February 4, 2007
"In the Spirit let us travel, open to each other's pain, let our loves and fears unravel, celebrate the space we gain; there's a space for deepest dreaming, there's a time for heart to care, in the Spirit's lively scheming there is always room to spare!
Come and find the quiet center in the crowded life we lead, find the room for hope to enter, find the frame where we are freed; clear the chaos and the clutter, clear our eyes that we can see all the things that really matter, be at peace and simply be."
The song is called Centering and the lyrics are by Shirley Murray.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Friday, February 2, 2007
Yesterday was my birthday! It was a great day - we woke up to snow which is pretty rare here.
Here are some pictures of Koz in the snow. I am new at this and I am not quite sure how to get the pictures to look better - but this will do for now.
I did have a great day but napped a little too much - so much so that I was wide awake at 4:45! After some qvc window shopping I decided to post.
I had a wonderful dinner at one of my FAVORITE chains, Carraba's. I love it for several reasons. When it is just Scott (my husband) and I, I love to sit at the kitchen bar, where you watch the cooks. It is so warm up there and I am always cold. Last night we went with my Scott's brother and sister in law and their 2 and a half old daughter - who is SO cute! And, just for my birthday, they had a Coppola Cabernet that was so good! The best part of the night was as we were leaving Carraba's and the little one, who received a little packet of gummies for successfully requesting to go to the bathroom, was asked by the hostess (probably all of 16) where she got the gummies and the little one said in her loudest and proudest voice, "I pooped in the potty!" It was so cute and the hostess just turned green!
Then when we got home S surprised me with the coolest necklace and bracelet set. It is pink and chocolate brown beads - he did very well!
Well it is now 6:30, think I will start getting ready! My birthday continues today with lunch with my Mom and sister at a favorite restaurant in downtown Chattanooga, 212 Market.