Saturday, July 28, 2007

'Cause it's so much easier to handle, All my problems if I'm too far out to sea


We got Koz's biopsy results back and he ONLY has a stomach infection and inflammatory bowel disease. While this does not sound great it is what we expected and is not cancer or anything else that would require surgery. I am going back next week b/c he will have to go on some new meds and I will meet with the vet (she emailed me the results yesterday) and get all the details. Needless to say we are all very happy and glad that our little bubba does not have anything life threatening going on!

I am still MAJORLY lacking motivation to get to the gym. I am working longer hours now which raises my appreciation for those of you who work full time and get TRI training in. I am having trouble getting any training in. I think that we discovered a bit of a solution this morning. There is a facility across the street from us called the Brainerd Crossroads (BX) that is part of the Baptist Church that is near our house. We went in and checked it out today and the facility is really nice. They open at 6:00, so I am thinking I might start trying to get there at 6 and getting 30 minutes of cardio in on the elliptical and then in the evenings I can swim or lift weights at the gym. This is such an easy decision because the church has decided to make the BX fitness area part of their ministry and instead of $300 a year, starting August 1st they will be charging $25 a year!

There is also a little coffee shop on the first floor that I could visit on my way out!

My knee is feeling 100% better. There can be no conclusions drawn though b/c I have had NO activity, as opposed to activity other than running, to test it.

My song today is Don't Go Back To Rockville by REM because I learned who the song is about on Friday. Apparently Michael Stipe and Natalie Merchant (10,000 Maniacs) are friends and he is singing about her in this song. Apparently she was struggling at the beginning of her career and wanted to "go back to Rockville" Maryland. Pretty cool, huh? It is amazing who ends up being big a music buff, and I never knew it

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!
Take Care

Don't go back to Rockville,
don't go back to Rockville, don't go back to Rockville
And waste another year (REM)

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Maybe we can sleep in, make you banana pancakes, pretend like it's the weekend now

I have been "diagnosed" as a people pleaser. Meaning that instead of expressing my own interests I will conform to the interest around me in order to confirm. Well, it is funny that I actually feel bad about the following post. You see, I made the Banana Republic order and I don't want those of you who offered an opinion to "feel bad" (my therapist calls this awfulizing...that I expect the worst before it happens, usually to an unrealistic extent) that I did not follow your suggestion. Enough are the results:

Things are going well at work, staying busy which keeps my mind moving and not worrying...all good!
On the sadder side of things I am still a sack of lazy bones...
Take Care!

But the telephone singing
ringing it's too early
don't pick it up
we don't need to we got everything
we need right here
and everything we need is enough
just so easy
when the whole world fits inside of your arms
do we really need to pay attention to the alarm? (Jack Johnson)

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Am I right side up or upside down, and is this real, or am I dreaming?

When you walk into a bathroom and catch someone you work with standing on one leg making sure that she can still touch her finger to the tip of her and walk on into the stall. She is just having a panic attack and trying to convince herself she is not about to die. was a bad day! Not sure what brought it on...I was panic stricken all day, convinced I had found an indention in my skull, which of course meant that I am about to die of a brain aneurysm. The good part was that I was SO busy that I had no choice but to push through (with a lot of little bathroom breaks!).

I do not have time to go to the mall and was disappointed to find that Express and The Limited do not have online stores! So, off with the Banana I go...which ones do you all like, I can to get three of these, please help me decide!:






No excuses guys, I want to hear from you too!

Still no exercise...I feel like it too! I feel like a big ball of blah. I hope to get to the gym tomorrow. I will be ordering a size up on these shirts before too long!

Take Care

Its crazy, I'm thinking, just knowing that the world is round.
I'm here I'm dancing on the ground. (DMB)

Friday, July 20, 2007

Who's that lounging in my chair

Updates and Random Stuff:

Koz is doing a lot better. He seems to be getting his spark back. Still no biopsy results. I hope that we will know something early next week.

I have a plan for my knee. I am going to be really busy between now and November. So, what I plan to do is stick to the elliptical, bike and swimming through November and then try running again. If the knee pain returns once I start running again I'll go get a second opinion and see if I can find a Doc who will tell me what I should do. I am getting increasingly frustrated with the way the first doc left things...I feel like I paid $300 for an MRI and no answers!

On the same front it is time that I get moving. And to once again keep myself accountable I am going to post my workouts on a regular basis. I won't have any exciting charts or stats...but, the goal is to keep my aerobic level high so when I get back to running I won't have that hurdle to overcome.

I need to get some new tops for the new responsibilities that I am taking on with my job.I am a huge banana republic girl and I have found three tops from there that I really like. But, I want to step outside the Banana Republic box a little. Any of you ladies have any ideas for dressy, but a little different, work shirts?

I have a new favorite "cheap" wine. It is an R.H. Phillips Chardonnay. It is so nice and light but good (don't know ant fancy wine words for it). I would recommend giving it a try!

I am having family at the house tomorrow night. This is the first time this group has been together in a while so, my friend Matt is coming over to take some pictures. The work is done on the front of the house and it looks a lot better. In addition to trimming the trees we added three hostas, a knockout rose, a hydrangea and a bunch of black eyed susan's and purple cone flowers! I am going to get some hanging baskets in the morning to put the icing on the cake!
Thanks again for all of your thoughts about Koz and my knee situation.

Take Care

Who's that casting devious stares
In my direction
Mama this surely is a dream (Macy Playground)

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life

The Koz
Koz is sleeping soundly next to me as I write this. My bubba has had a tough couple of days. His lack of energy, poor eating habits and NASTY poops led us to decide, on Sunday, that he should get a scope done on his colon. We have been dealing with, and treating, these symptoms, for so long it is about time that we get a diagnosis. So, on Sunday we left him at the River Animal Hospital, expecting the procedure to happen Monday morning and we would pick him up Monday afternoon. Well, the internal medicine specialist, whom I have gotten to know well and really like, was not able to fit the procedure into her schedule until late Monday evening and she wanted Koz to spend another night, after the procedure, to be observed. I talked to the vet when I picked Koz up today at noon and she said that she could see in the scope that his small intestine and colon are very inflamed. Right now there are no answers beyond that, we have to wait until the biopsy results come back. He seems very happy to be home and has only woken up a couple of times.

The Knee

I never thought that I would walk out of the doctor's office with too many answers. Basically the MRI showed a tear in my medial meniscus, but the person (is that a radiologist?) who read it was not sure how severe. He also noted that my patella tendon had wear to it too and there is bono on bone action going on there. My Doc felt that this had more to do with overuse than an injury. He also noted that I have a lot of scar tissue from where the original meniscus surgery was done. From here it got pretty crazy. Basically, I have a decision to make. Do I want to keep running and have a scope done? Do I want to quit running and see if my symptoms improve? Do I want to get the scope and quit running to prolong the health of my knee? The Doc wants me to go for a run today or tomorrow and see how it goes; if there is pain, how much pain there is, where there is pain....and get back to him. I have no idea where we really left it. I learned an important lesson though, I am not going into that office again without someone else with me...At this point, I guess I will go for a run tomorrow and see how it goes!

Take Care

No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
but I'm here in my mold,
I am here with my mold
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no (The Verve)

Monday, July 16, 2007

You're faking a smile with the coffee you go

Yesterday was a pretty emotional day and I have to say that I am not ready to post about it yet. The short version is that the Tri was VERY hard to watch because I wanted to be participating SO bad. Then, as we were sitting down to get a bite afterwards I got a call from Scott that he was taking Koz to the emergency vet. He is getting some pretty extensive testing done today. More on that later too.

The picture above is a T Shirt that I had made for our team. I still feel guilty about being the reason that we did not participate. I thought it would be fun if we still felt like a team.

I get my MRI results back tomorrow afternoon. I just hope that there is a happy ending to all this knee mess coming sometime soon!

Take Care

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong (Daniel Powter)

Saturday, July 14, 2007

I sit at my table and wage war on myself

This has been an interesting week.

Dr Matthews asked me to take it easy on my knee until my MRI yesterday. I now think that exercise is once again tattooed into my psyche b/c this week, with no exercise, did not feel good. I am looking forward to my appointment on Tuesday, where I will find out the plan for the future.

Wednesday Momma, Kim and I ate lunch at the Boathouse, overlooking the river that Momma would swim in, and decided that the team would not participate without me this year. We are all going to get together tomorrow morning and watch the Waterfront Triathlon and get the experience we need to kick some butt next year!

Thursday was a quite day at the office and then Scott and I went to a cocktail hour with his Leadership Chattanooga classmates. We went to a tapas place in town called Terra Nostra. It was a lot of fun. I got to meet some folks that I have not met before and we both had a great time. I had some pear walnut quesadilias and a piece of chocolate raspberry cake. Scott was so into talking to his buddies (and not liking the fact that tapas are expensive little bits of food) he ended up getting a sack full of Krystals on the way home.

Yesterday was my MRI. I have not done that since 2000 and I forgot how much I hate it. The idea of laying still is bad enough, add the noise and the fact that you are in a tube just sucks! I hated it! After I left the MRI I got a call about a new opportunity that totally flabbergasted me. I am very excited and can't wait to tell you more soon!

Last night Scott and I planned on cooking another one of the My Family Dinners that I made last week and ended up at our neighbors b/c they already had some coals going. We ended up hanging out with them a while and I made a BAD mistake. Folks, having a mango margarita (or two) after two glasses of wine is NOT a good idea! It was a really fun evening. I am just paying for it at the moment!

Today a friend of mine from High School is coming into town and we are going to hang out and catch up. Tonight we are heading to Kate's house for her third birthday with her little friends. She is doing a (pretend) sleepover party. They are all to wear their pajamas and are going to do all sorts of "big girl" things!

I promise to take and post a lot of pictures tomorrow. Maybe it will entice some of you to add the Chattanooga Waterfront Tri to your race list next year!

Take Care

I demand a rematch
I decree a stalemate
I divine my deeper motives
I recognize the weapons
I've practiced them well.
I fitted them myself. (REM)

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

So I gave up my seat at the bar and I head for the door.

I lied to you. Sunday's run sucked. I came home and cried. My knee hurt so bad.

Monday morning I decided to call the orthopedist. I just got back from the appointment and I have been benched.

I am heartbroken. I will not be participating in the Waterfront Triathlon this weekend.

The doc thinks that I am suffering complications that are similar to those that led to my meniscus surgery in 2001. Apparently, after a meniscus surgery your patella can "fall" to the side where the meniscus was clipped and cause everything to get "roughed up." I am getting an MRI on Friday to see to what extent it is "roughed up". Then the doc will decide if I need a scope to get it "cleaned up in there." He asked me to stay off it as much as possible until after the MRI to see if some of the swelling will go down.

On the positive side he said that I have the nicest hamstrings he has seen in a long time. At this point I'll take the good news where I can get it!

So, our team is having a lunch meeting tomorrow to see if Momma and Kim want to forge on without me, or if we are going to withdrawal from the race.

Thanks again for your support on this issue, I'll update you when I get some news!

Take Care

Aw, we shout out these songs against the
clang of electric guitars
Well, you can see a million miles tonight
but you can't get very far (Counting Crows)

The Purple Side of Blue

Self Doubt
the ability
to be honest
with Myself
Am I Weak
in body
in mind
I Fear the moment
good or bad
whatever It is
when It returns
where is
the happy ending
inside my mind
It does not exist
-Mary Hall Cooper
July 10th, 2007
9:09 am

Sunday, July 8, 2007

There's too much confusion here, I can't get no relief

First off ...this is a picture my good friend Matt Dunmore (check out his website to see all his great pictures!) took on July 3rd. He is a great photographer! As I mentioned, we were on the boat on to watch these fireworks. Looking at this picture the boat was in front of the Aquarium...which is the two lighted triangles you see. To the left of the fireworks you can see three balls of light. This is AT&T field where the Chattanooga Lookouts play. About half way through the fireworks in the park (which you see in the picture) the Lookout's fireworks began and the dueling fireworks were too cool!

This morning Scott and I went and walked the downtown portion of the 10K that I will be running next Sunday with the Waterfront Triathlon. I was confused about a portion of the race and Scott has an incredible sense of direction, so he helped me work it out. We took Koz with us and the 92 degree heat took a toll on our baby (whose tummy problems are much better! Thanks to everyone who asked about him!). He had to take a lot of "flops" (our word for the way he rests, because he just unexpectedly flops onto his side) and made good use of the cool water bowl/bottle I got for his last year. The run is an out and back (I am not sure if this is normal, but it calms me to know that on the second half of the race I will have some idea of how far I have to go) with minimal hills, which I a very happy about!

On the same front, I went for a run tonight. At 7:00 it was still REALLY hot (which makes me nervous for race day). I ran out 10 minutes, walked two, ran five, walked two, ran five and walked about 8 minutes home. During my runs I did have some pain (Dr John it was directly under my knee cap) but it was not anything that I could not handle. I did not want to push it, just see what it would feel like to run at different speeds. I am planning on doing a lot of "non contact" conditioning this week. To keep my HR up but not put any more pounding on my knee.

One final of the only things that gets me through a summer of (BOR-ING) baseball is tennis and one if the best men's finals in history was this morning at Wimbledon . I hope that some of you got to see the Federer/Nadal match - it was AWESOME! It was probably the best tennis match I have ever seen! AND with his win Federer won his fifth Wimbledon in a row equaling the great Bjorg!

Hope everyone had a great weekend!
Take Care!

There's no reason to get excited
The thief, he kindly spoke
There are some among us here
Say that life is just a joke
You and I, we've been through
And that is not our fate (at least today)
So let us not talk falsely now
Because the hour is getting late
Late... (U2)

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Is it any wonder that I feel uptight?, Is it any wonder I don't know what's right?

So, my knee.

After I ran on Tuesday it was SO soar afterward and until yesterday it was influencing my every move. Thursday night Scott and I went to the pool at the gym and swam, probably not a true workout...a lot of playing around went on. Yesterday my knee was still soar, but did not limit me as it had.

My runner friend at work thinks that it is a "common" overuse injury and that the true test will be if it hurts (again) when I run. So, I a thinking that I will get back on the treadmill tomorrow afternoon, or take a road run this afternoon. This morning I am going to yoga and then work on cleaning up the house.

Tomorrow is a week until the 10K...I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably be gutting this one out! Lisa gave me some great run/walk advice that I will definitely put to use! I also found an hour long training session, through Nike, with the coach on itunes and I think I will use that too b/c the forty minute training session is awesome and I have had the best times I have ever had (training) using it!


As you might have guessed from yesterday's post I am back on the meds. Hmmm...who knew that crying and irritability were signs of depression...uh, I did. I really have to let go of my feelings about the meds and learn that, just like my soar knees, they will probably be a part of my life forever! It is funny how you can outwardly express something, and truly believe it, but deep in your subconscious your mind knows you believe something else!

A word to all of you with indoor outdoor dogs. I went to the dermatologist yesterday b/c I have poison ivy on my neck and a little on my face. I would not figure out how it got there! The Nurse Practitioner said that poison ivy "juice" stays on dogs fur for a long time if it in not washed off. So, at some point the Koz got into poison ivy and then I snuggled with him and the rest is history!

We are getting our front yard re-landscaped. I am SO excited! When it is done I will steal Momma's camera and get some pics. I a going to get some flower beds up front and I am really excited...we are going to put in hydrangea, cone flowers, hostas and knock out roses...can't wait!

Hope Everyone has a great weekend!
Take Care!

Sometimes it's hard to know where I stand,
It's hard to know where I am,
Well maybe it's a puzzle I don't understand.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Ha ha ha bless your soul, You really think you're in control

What is normal to a girl born with curly red hair living in a world of blondes and brunettes?

What is normal to a girl with learning disabilities who is separated from her classmates?

What is normal about a girl who trades her flute for a string bass?

What is normal about a girl who hid her completed homework in her locker b/c she was scared to turn it in?

What is normal to a girl who spends a month in Thailand even though she thought she was going to Ireland?

What is normal about a girl whose favorite family memory is riding mules down the Grand Canyon?

What is normal about a girl who has makes little piles of split hairs since she saw a split end under a microscope in 8th grade?

What is normal about a girl who LOVES to play soccer in the rain?

What is normal to a girl who made it through High School pretending like she could understand?

What is normal about a girl who is scared to go to temples in a small town in Japan b/c her red hair makes older Japanese ladies cry?

What is normal to a girl living with a family of over achievers who never knew what she wanted to be whenever she grows up?

What is normal about a girl who is terrified of flying, but loves to travel?

What is normal about a girl who, as a research assistant in college, was one of the youngest people to be awarded a NSF Phase II Grant and is still not sure what the Grant was about?

What is normal to a girl who has gone back to school for a Masters in Education, an MBA and a Physical Therapy Assistant certificate and quit them all?

What is normal to a girl who would rather travel with her boyfriend than marry him?

What is normal about a healthy 28 year old girl thinking she is dying of a heart attack?

What is normal about a girl who gets down to Rocky Top for her father/daughter dance at her wedding?

What is normal about a girl who, since receiving her BS, has worked as a Preschool Educator at an Aquarium, a Barista, a High School boys soccer coach, a Orthatist Assistant and the Office Manager at her father's Law Firm?

What is normal to a girl who decides to take up running after 3 knee surgeries?

What is normal about a girl who likes her big butt (and I can not lie!)

What is normal about a girl who is dangerously fair, loving nothing more than feeling the heat of the sun on her skin?

What is normal to a girl, who at 31, does not know when she wants to have kids?

What is normal to a girl, who despite trying to eat healthy, insists on having two (not frosted) brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts for breakfast every Sunday morning?

What is NOT normal is a girl who refuses to take medicine for what ails her...

Lesson learned, thanks for your support.

Take Care

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place.
Even your emotions have an echo
In so much space (Gnarles Barkley)

Thursday, July 5, 2007

A good idea would be to get it off of your mind

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
(my apologies to Bolder for stealing this idea)

The Good: Lots of Holiday fun!!!!

Here are pics from the July 3rd boating trip:

yummy, mommy buggers!

And pictures from the July 4th rib feast:

Our Uncle Kit (who also takes the pictures, so is not in any pictures) is from Memphis and makes ribs every 4th...I think this might be Scott's favorite day of the year...

Even I get in on the action...
(look court, blue!)

Scott's Dad tries to keep up with him

The champ ate 25 ribs!

The Bad: to medicate or not to medicate, that is the question!

I have been really irritable lately and, as I have mentioned, crying a lot. The crying does not bother me as much as the irritability...I have had a really bad attitude lately, and I have felt like being alone...which is not a good sign.

In all fairness to the chemicals in my brain, I went from lots of meds, very quickly to some meds and then very quickly to no meds. Children, I think this is why they tell you not to do this at home! I am going to my therapist (not the drug prescriber) this afternoon to talk it out. I have a feeling that I will be back on some meds soon. I have come to terms with the fact that (as much as it pains my to admit openly that this is the case) I really got caught up with getting off the meds to be "normal." Now I might have to come to terms with the fact that Molly on meds is normal.

The Ugly: MY KNEE

Not so hot! Since my run Tuesday it has been soar! Like limping soar, like I'm not going down those steps soar, like someone get me off the floor soar, like Oh my gawd 6 miles soar! I am nervous about the race (I'm still doing it Mom!) and how I will handle it. I plan on doing the elliptical and swimming tonight and we'll see how it goes!

Take Care


See, you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
And so can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We'll make the Best of What's Around

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

And we walked off to look for america


Notta...unless you consider gardening and walking Koz as an unconventional brick!

Momma and I went open water swimming at the lake. We went a mile. Neither of us brought a watch, so we are not even sure how long it took. Mom did great and was strong the entire time. I really need to learn to breath on both sides, I started cramping on the side (left) that I breath on...don't know if that is due to the breathing on one side or eating only 45 minutes b/4 I swam...or both?!? I did breast stroke for the last half of the swim...seemed to help with the cramping!

Did another run with my Nike trainer: 41 minutes total, ave HR 155

Mile 1: 12:13 ave HR 137
Mile 2: 11:08 ave HR 160
Mile 3: 11:10 ave HR 163
1/2 mile: 6:17 ave HR 166

Wanted to get a quick update in while I could...have to get back to making cookies for a party on my parents boat tonight. We are in prime position for several early fire works shows! After I finish the cookies Koz and I are riding the boat down for positioning downtown (about three hours). Relazation here I come!

Take Care

So I looked at the scenery, she read her magazine
And the moon rose over an open field (Simon and Garfunkel)

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Shake it down, shake it down now

Friday was SO much better than Thursday, got my sense of humor back as well as a sense of stability. As I have said before I really think that ups and downs are something that I will have to get used to now that I am medicine free.

Friday afternoon I was thinking about the 10K (now only 15 days away!) and I am sincerely worried. My knees just do not seem to want to go more than 3 miles without faltering. AND, the Waterfront Tri is expecting a record participation!

SO, my thought process turned to - how can I keep myself moving for 60 minutes solid without running for 60 minutes solid. So, I thought of all my wonderful Tri friends and the answer was staring me in the face. I have been loving the swimming I have been doing, how about a brick! My plan was to fun for forty minutes and swim for twenty.

My run was better than I have had in a LONG time. I downloaded a 40 minute itunes mix (from Nike) that includes coaching and intervals. My entire life I have ever questioned the fact that I am extrinsically motivated, someone yelling at me to get my butt moving more than I can get it moving myself. So, having this coach in ear, doing intervals, really helped me get moving!

Mile 1: 12:06 ave HR 132
Mile 2: 11:29 ave HR 164
Mile 3: 11:29 ave HR 164
1/2 mile: 5:31 ave HR 161

THEN I SWAM!!!! Yeah me! I did 20 minutes alternating 100 breast with 100 free. I have NO idea how you all keep up with how many laps you have done (any tips appreciated), all I know is that I was moving for twenty minutes!!! Being that it was Friday night I did not have to share a lane (thanks for the tips Matt, I am sure they will come in handy soon!). I did try breathing on both sides and found that to be something I really need to work on!

I do have a new appreciation for transition times...I think it took me 15 minutes, in the locker room to get from run to swim.

Scott had to work late Friday night and we winded up heading home at the same time and he stopped and got pizza. It is this new pizza with two crusts and two layers of cheese. And my sweet husband got me pineapple! Ya'll I almost ate the entire pizza!

Yesterday morning I went to yoga, another great class. I am really liking my teacher. I dropped S off at work b/4 yoga and picked him up afterward and we hit the Wall. I am making oatmeal scotchies for a party Tuesday and pasta salad for a party Wednesday.

Chilled for he rest of the day. I never watered the garden b/c it was supposed to rain all day. This morning I got up and watered the gardens, S and I made these awesome pancakes and then I went outside to garden..and it starts!

Planning on another run/swim combo this afternoon and I think Momma and I are going to do some open water swimming tomorrow. My Mom is kicking butt with her swimming! I am SO proud of her...she is swimming a mile in about 35 minutes, and getting better every day!

Take Care!

She's a brick----house
Mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out
(The Commodores)