You must not know about me You must not know about me

I had a little talk with my brain this afternoon. I reminded it that I am the girl who played through countless soccer games, feeling as if my knee was going to totally collapse AND then, in college, played through countless games feeling as if my knees were going to collapse. So, a second day of dealing with an angry little side stitch was NOT going to stop me from getting a good workout in - and it didn't! Had one of my better runs and furthermore, side stitch and all, and I am very proud of the fact that I got home and did NOT want to run...but I did. Motivated by the fact that this will probably be the last pretty day in Chatt-a-vegas for a while.

One thing I know about my anxiety is the more OTHER people I have to worry about the less I worry about myself, and the anxiety is MUCH less. The last time I had a lot of people to worry about was the three years I coached the guy's soccer team at my old High School. I was really a conditioning coach, I realized early that these guys were only going to get better by playing and the better condition they were in the more, and better, they played. We went to state my last year and I have really good memories (and a few memories of swearing that I would never have children) of these guys. So, I am excited to say that I am going to coach the alumni game a week from Saturday...it should be fun.

I have decided that cutting chocolate out for Lent is going to make me GAIN weight. I keep trying different things (Momma brought me a piece of pumpkin cake with cream cheese icing and two cinnamon muffins this afternoon) to try and replace the happiness one little piece of dark chocolate brings me.

Tomorrow Tomorrow I love Ya Tomorrow You're Only a Day Away

OUCH


(my right side directly under my rib cage)

WEEZE

(can't breath through my nose)


YUCK


(is spitting in public part of a runner's world?)


UGH


(moved for 40 minutes, probably ran 15)


OH WELL


(Just thinkin' about tomorrow clears away the cobwebs, and the sorrow 'til there's none! )

In the name of love What more in the name of love

From Sunday's service (Luke 10:25-37)

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"

"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"

He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"

In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'

"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"

The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."

Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

Sunday was a good day. Went to church and then home to do laundry and so forth. One of my biggest pet peeves is deciding what I want to wear and then figuring out that it is not clean! Figuring out what I want to wear usually happens in the shower or while eating oatmeal (with brown sugar).

B/c of snow in DC Dad did not travel last night and, as a result, I did not have to spend a big chunk of my afternoon to go up to my parents house, pick up Dad and take him to the airport. So I decided to make a trip to the Wall and get some back up necessities and supplies for butterscotch cookies. My bestest friend from High School, B, suggested that I make the cookies that are listed on the back of a package of Nestle Toll House Butterscotch morsels. So the cookies turned out to be SO good (not going to put the recipe in - just go grab a package of the morsels and go from there...)! First of all I am a batter eater and this has to be THE BEST batter I have EVER (really) had! The cookies are great too...took them to my parents and to see Dawn this afternoon and everyone loved them. MAJOR thanks to B for that recommendation.

Watched the Oscars, think that Reese Witherspoon needs to have a couple of milkshakes, Jennifer Hudson is amazing, Cate Blanchett is beautiful and Marky Mark is the Cinderella story of our time. I LOVE the Departed ( it is also one of the only Oscar nominated movies I've seen) so I was glad to see it win. On that note - can't wait to see Little Miss Sunshine!

Today was a pretty slow day, spent most of it playing with Tommy ("Do it again"), chasing Kozmo through the woods ("KOZMO, STOP AND STAY") and hangin' with Momma and Dad Man. Did get a Cinnamon Dolche Latte at the Buck this morning, so good!!! Also had a little pampering time and got a pedicure from my friend Dawn this afternoon.

Tomorrow things are back to, whatever normal is.

Other peoples thoughts they aint your hand-me-downs

Yesterday was an interesting day. Took Koz up to the mountain to play with Percy and went on to the office. Had lunch with a good friend and met Dad at the airport (this is where the interesting part starts). The engine light on his car came on, on his way to the airport Monday, so I was going to follow him to the dealership and take him home...WELL his car would not start and we jumped it and we headed out. On out way out of the airport his car stalled and lost its charge. WE needed to get back to the front of the airport to get the car charged again, SO I pushed his car with my car for apx 130 degrees back to the front of the airport. I had NEVER done this before and was so nervous, which was not the right frame of mind to be in b/c any hesitation causes the cars to separate and then bump back together. It was CRAZY!





So, we jumped the car and went to the dealership, swung by and picked up S and headed to my parents. There we celebrated my sister's birthday. I would like to say that we had dinner at a bbq place, but I can not call it a TRUE bbq place b/c they did not serve nanna pudding!

We did have a really good Pinot Noir called Parker Station I checked online and it costs about $10.99 a bottle,not a bad price for a wine that tastes much more expensive. Check it out at:

http://www.fessparker.com/html/03_ps_pinot_noir.html

S and I slept in this morning, I should say that Koz let us sleep 'till nine. We went to the Y and I had a pretty good workout. Did 60 minutes...10 minute walk, three minute walk and three minute run for about 33 minutes, ran for 10 straight, walked three and ran three.

Got home and ate leftovers from the best part of dinner last night (not the wine!) mac and cheese. Watched some TLC and then partook in my favorite Saturday hobby - a nice long nap.

S and I went to Friday's for dinner (they actually have some pretty good wines there too...Smoking Loon and Barefoot) and I had a great appetizer - Parmesan Crusted Sicilian Quesdilla's

VERY GOOD. Then I had a very average dessert...a lot of places are doing donuts now (Smokey Bones does them best) and I tried Friday's...OK.

It was Senior night for my Mocs and they played OK (a trend this season) and lost (another trend this season). We are still unsure if we are going to go to the tourney next week, a couple of other factors have recently come into play that suggest that we probably will not go. I can not put my finger on my emotions on this issue...not sure if, in the end, I will be disappointed about not going or not!?!

Lazy day tomorrow..maybe I'll read up on how to push a car...

And I feel fine

I have had a really good couple of days - I guess I take the meds for a reason (duh). I am going to go to my sister's OGBYN and get a second opinion on all that is going on with me - I think it will also be good to get another opinion on prozac and pregnancy. I think all this has taught me that I still need to take things one day at a time. It is still VERY hard for me to get mad at S, how do I think I am going to discipline kids? Gotta keep workin!

S and I did a walk/run (since it has been so long we went back to four minute walk, two minute run with a four minute run at the end) in the neighborhood last night. It was a beautiful evening...shorts and a long sleeved T shirt and I was good to go! This was my first off treadmill run and my knee seems good today - which is promising! I also enjoyed having that time with S and hope that we do it more often. I am sure that it will be 30 degrees again soon and I will be back on the treadmill!

Gettin' to see Jimmy tonight - SO excited! We are celebrating my sister's birthday (which was the 21st) at my parents house and having bbq. Personally, I am excited about dessert, which will be nanna pudding - which is good b/c that means that I will be able to have a wonderful, non chocolate, dessert!

And finally, I think that I am officially addicted to the Ricola honey lemon cough drops! I've heard that admitting there is a problem is the first step to a cure...

So he rushes in to tell you what he did today, but he can't think of what to say

Well our humble little town was blessed by a visit from our President yesterday. My hubby had lunch at the same restaurant W did, leaving about 30 minutes before he got there. S swears that W is sitting in the same seat he sat in.



I just have one, very simple question for the man, Why (WHY WHY WHY) are we in Iraq. It is a very simple question, and all I would like is a simple answer! ESPECIALLY now that we know that a Taliban-like terrorist group is gaining strength in Afghanistan and Pakistan...why are we trying to referee a Civil War in Iraq! It is like watching a basketball game, knowing your team is playing the wrong defence, and watching helplessly as the other team throws an alli oop for a back door slam!


So, anyway...back to my reality (or as John Mayer would say, "I'll just keep on waiting for the world to change".), pretty routine day yesterday. After his brush with the President, S got to go to the Tennessee/Alabama basketball game last night - which went into overtime and TN won! S, however is a Bama fan, so he was not quite as thrilled. So, I had the evening to myself to knit, read my Marie Claire and watch LOST!





Once again, I am the only person in America that enjoyed last night's episode of LOST. I am not sure what people want from the show...don't they realize that if we find out all the answers - the show will end, I do not want the show to end. Having spent a month is Thailand, and visiting the same beach as Jack did, I enjoyed his flashbacks to Thailand.




As for my Marie Claire - pretty good issue. I am not totally happy with the "revamping" they did last year. I think that they wanted to appear more mature - I think the magazine appears more - blah. BUT they still have the best content of any mag on the stand!




Getting back on the treadmill tonight - I am sure there will be whining tomorrow (it has been two full weeks since I ran, uhg). Off to find some non-chocolate baking recipes!

Silly Me....

I forgot the most important thought of the day...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

KATIE!!!!!

Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship

Yesterday morning I hit the office for a little while and then headed to Cleveland to see the hs (head shrinker). I was running late and did not get to Starbucks for my latte so I still owe myself one some time this week.

The hs and I had a good meeting. As I have mentioned before my baseline issue is worrying about others more than I worry about myself (AND I am a huge hypochondriac, but we can talk about that another time, when I feel 100%). I really need to face reality on this one, being a southern woman "martyrdom" seems to be in my DNA!

Went home and tasted one of my first meals since being sick. I made a bbq chicken quesadillia and it was delish!

Then, the busy morning and still not feeling great caught up with me and Koz and I slept for a good part of the afternoon and then headed to my meeting. STILL have not made it to the Y...Thursday will be the day!

Never thought I would say this...but I think it is time for Gilmore Girls to end. The same stories keep repeating. I realized this when watching the promo for next week (lane goes into labor during her baby shower) and was excited that it was not about any of the main story lines. I am intrigued about where the Rory and Logan story line is going...is he going to have to ask his father for help, will his father then reject Rory again? I have been thinking for a while that Logan will have to (in some way) whose between Rory and his wealthy life style.

Then my beloved Law and Orders did not disappoint. Love that show, it is scary how much I watch it, between re-runs and NBC.



Finally, I have to say that I am REALLY missing my hair...I cut it all off in July '06 for locks of love and I am ready to have it all back! It is finally in a place that I can put it back in a pony tail...but I am SO ready to be able to whip it back and wrap it into a cute bun...LOOK AT THAT HAIR!

This great pick was taken by my photog friend Matt Dunmore...

www.mattdunmorephotography.com

Woke up cold one tuesday, i'm looking tired and feeling quite sick

I have given Paolo Nutini props on my itunes list and I want to continue to encourage folks to check him out. Great voice, great lyrics...the last time I enjoyed new music so much was the first time I heard Jack Johnson.

So, lots of sleep, in the sick bed, this weekend and as it turns out (if possible) I got too much! It is 5:22 AM and I am very much awake! Still not feeling great - but much MUCH better.

I was able (thanks to our Presidents - although, at this point I will not thank W for squat!) to rest today too.

Did make a trip to the Wall (I am happy to say that I made it out with only one extraneous purchase, which was, of course, the March Marie Claire) and went to the basketball game...my boys won! It was an ugly win, but a win. And one of our two four year seniors, Casey Long, recorded his 1,000th point!

www.gomocs.com

Looks like we have a small chance of getting a first round bye (not sure how to spell that kind of bye) in the tournament. S is still not sure if he wants to go - I am always up for a trip to Charleston.

Busier day today, have to figure out why my work email is bouncing new mail, have an appointment with my head shrinker (and, as always I will be stopping for a cinn dolce latte at Starbucks on the way) going to walk/run after work then head to a PM board meeting. Hope I can stay awake...

AND today is mt last day of chocolate until Easter! I will be stuffing my face tonight with my favorite chocolate Lindt dark chocolate truffles! I will miss my friend! A lot of non chocolate baking recipes to come!

I was down and you lifted me honey

Sick, Sick, Sick!


Winter '06 and '07 I will remember being SICK! I did not get out of bed this weekend. And only thanks to my two nurses, Koz and S, I am out of bed today. I am convinced it is the OJ and Chicken soup, not Musinex and nasal spray, that have helped me out of bed! Luckily, I have today off too, and I am able to take it easy (the Wall and a PM basketball game (no yelling allowed..yea right...) are my only planned outings). I am about to do some major googling to figure out how I can make sure this season of sickness NEVER happens again!!!!


Before the weekend in bed, Jimmy was born - he is just the cutest thing EVER.

AND to make this even sadder I was a total lazy bones, no excuses, and did not run last week. I thought I would catch up this weekend and then got sick and did not run this weekend! So, tomorrow will probably feel like day 1 all over again!

I did catch up on some cute, only watch when there is NOTHING else to do, movies this weekend: Mean Girls, 10 Things I Hate About You, How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days and The Wedding Planner (I really did not get out of bed!). And I will say that Mean Girls is a good watch, if nothing else to laugh at the irony encrusted in the fact that Lindsey Lohan stars in the movie.

And another big thanks to S for taking care of his whinny, needy wife.

Still shaking
Still in pain
You put me back together again

(You all probably know this is U2's Trip Through your Wires, if you did not know that I INSIST that you buy, borrow or download the Joshua Tree album ASAP! Just as my parents forced Peter, Paul and Mary on me, I will insist my kids listen to Joshua Tree!)

I get by with a little help from my friends

I told you all about Andy's cool blog:


http://twitchinghoof.blogspot.com/







Then yesterday I was on Andy's blog and found Johnny's cool blog!



http://1stepcloser2im.blogspot.com/

Forget a 10K - this guy is training for a triathlon!! Impressive!








And if my husband is reading this, I promise to find some female blogger friends soon!

Cause if I had some remedy I'd take enough to please me.

The Lord works in mysterious ways!

I am happy to announce that James Dominik Gianassi was born this morning (around 8:50 AM est) weighing in at 7 pounds 10 oz and all of 19 inches. I can hardly contain myself while I sit here waiting for the OK to head to the hospital! (not sure I spelled his middle name right!)

All the negative thoughts that I had yesterday calmed by the arrival of Jimmy. S has said to me several times, if you are so worried about dying tomorrow why not enjoy today, obviously the words of someone who has never had anxiety, but so true. At this time, not taking the meds, I could not enjoy the day yesterday for fear of the future. I have a new nephew TODAY!

The meds were working so well I am going to go back to my routine until I can feel a resolution from the OB issue. There is no reason to spend six months in a constant state of anxiety when a remedy is stating me in the face. I felt so much better last night after I took the meds again - there is no reason to worry.

Perhaps part of surrendering is allowing myself to trust that the Lord will help me get pregnant at the right time, for me, and give me the strength, at that time to make it through each day with as little anxiety as possible. And, as my wise sister said, if it does not go well (when you try to stop) know that maybe the Lord wants you to take the meds. I am going to go bounce around the house until they call with the OK to come by - I will post a pic ASAP!

That's when I know that I have to get out cause I have been there before

This turned out to be a pretty crappy afternoon and evening!

Got a second note from the OBGYN about abnormalities - Yea, so needless to say that I will be going back on the normal meds routine 'till that gets sorted out. Perhaps a sign that this is not the right time. Still sux! I was feeling the withdrawal earlier this afternoon but I was handling that and thinking how proud I was of myself. I'm going to go with it though - I did learn from Lost last night - timing is everything!

I should have read my horoscope (from google) this morning, I see some foreshadowing...

You may be overly tired today, for you have been working hard without necessarily reaching your goals. Still, you probably have done more than you realize, for the Moon in Aquarius can color your perceptions. Remember that awareness is your ally at this time. Pay attention and be ready for the unexpected changes.

Oh well, life goes on...literally my sister goes to the hospital tonight to be induced, I will be an auntie again tomorrow!

I also forgot to tell you that my mocs were so bad last night, embarrassingly bad.

www.gomocs.com

S is talking about not going to the conference tournament and he has not missed a tournament in 12 or so years!

Offer me solutions offer me alternatives and I decline

OK so I am feeling the effects of tapering down the meds. I am really tied but VERY hyper. The feeling is similar to the end of an all nighter, after countless number of coffee and baileys, right before the test.


Another REM song...

Cause your head’s shaking cause your arms are shaking
And your feet are shaking cause the earth is shaking

LOST WAS ON LAST NIGHT!!!!!



SOMEHOW I managed to fall asleep last night and miss it, but due to the excellence of modern technology I watched it on my cpu.

AND i must tell you that I really enjoyed it. I have been to abc.com and found out that the fact I enjoyed that a lot of the show was not on the island, and that I am in LOVE with Des, is pretty widespread.

BUT the most wonderful thing of all is that I saw a reference without having to read about it after the show (big time - i.e. never happened before!)...I noticed that the man with the red shoes was crushed in similar fashion to the Witch in the Wizard of OZ! I knew watching that movie 10,000 would pay off some how. I did not pick up on the Oasis song, I should have b/c I love that song! I hope Des is the one to save Charlie - I love Charlie (even bad Charlie) too!

Des is officially the first LOST character to make me cry this season...Now I want SO BAD for Penny to find him - I can't wait to see how this all works out.

Another thing, if you are a confused LOST watcher like me go to:

http://abc.go.com/primetime/lost/connections/index

It shows how all the characters are connected. It also helps me keep up with the fast thinkers on the message boards.

OK that is all - I am going to go home and nap. I need to go to the Y tonight and run (did not go Tuesday - Bad Girl!)!

You take a walk and you try to understand
Nothing can hurt you
Unless you want it to
There are no answers
Many reasons to be strong
You take a walk, you take a walk
You take a walk and you try to understand

Happy VD

I really love Valentine's Day - probably b/c my Mom does and always gets us a little something. Scott is of the "Hallmark holiday" opinion (the VD line is his all the way back to High School!), and that is OK. The reason that is OK is that he takes good care of me every day - and I know he loves me. So, a picture of my Valentines!

I had lunch with Mom today and she got me a very nice gift...with LOTS of chocolate, thank goodness it is not Lent yet! I made her a scarf to go with a jacket that she got recently. I think I am going to go back and get similar yarn in a different color and do one for myself! But first - I have to finish Baby Jimmy's blanket - he is to arrive on Friday!

OK magazine time...got my InStyle. There is something about the March issues, another good one. I have just flipped (which took about an hour) and not read yet - but I am impressed already! (They do not have the new issue up on the web or I would post the cover with the lovely Sandra Bullock!)

Day two with 40 mg of Prozac. I felt a little out of it last night and so I took a klonapin b/4 bed. As things were, I tried to only take the klonapin in emergency situations, might be using it a little more now. Stayed busy today and I think that helped a lot. S is getting home late from Nashville and our friend is coming over to do laundry and watch the Mocs play App State on CSS:

http://www.csssports.com/

Once again we NEED this win to have any chance at a by in the tourney - I'll take a good, solid performance though, it is tough to beat App, even tougher on the road!

I am planning on making some cookies that I saw on the web :

http://www.pillsbury.com/recipes/showRecipe.aspx?rID=16445

My twist will be that I am going to melt the raspberry Hershey's kisses for the dipped chocolate part - hope that they are as good as I imagine them to be! AND they will be circles b/c I do not have a heart cookie cutter!

Well I think that is it for today. I am proudly sporting my red "there's no place like home" shoes today (imagine Dorothy's slippers without the sparkles and a boxier shape)! Love 'em. Usually wear them with a sun dress or Capri's in the summer, trying to pull them off with skinny jeans and tights today - not sure if I have accomplished that or not (S, the fashion guru, left b/4 he saw the outfit and could tell me which 80's concert it appeared I would be attending!).

from selfless to selfish

I went to my Bible study last night and learned a very important lesson about myself in the process. My hesitations about religion are a manifestation of every little issue that I have. In that, I worry too much about what other people think and not enough about what I think/feel/believe. I have been too worried about how Christianity will effect other people (homosexuals, non-Christians, how different denominations are accepted) that I have not taken the time to truly evaluate what it means to me. I have not truly opened myself up and said - SHOW me.

In addition to this, after hearing at the Grammy's and from my more conservative (than I) Bible study friends, "I can do anything through Jesus Christ" I really started thinking about the meds. I really want to believe that I can go off them - but this is a really slippery slope. I really want to be pregnant in the next year (or so) and I know that I need to cut back or change or stop the meds - I am not sure how.

THEN I started thinking about my run/walks and how I have been patient enough with myself to build up to running, as opposed to killing myself by trying to run 45 minutes the first day. I equated that to the meds and I have decided that I am going to try the same approach...but by cutting down the meds, as opposed to building up to a 10 K run.

So, I am on 60 mg of Prozac now and I want to be off of it by the time I run my 10K (mid June). In essence, switching the running and the meds. Starting today and through March I am going to take 40 mg a day. Then at the beginning of April go down to 20 mg a day and hopefully feel strong enough, by June to stop the meds all together.

My method of stretching, or quieting my mind like stretching quiets my muscles, with be building my relationship with Jesus. Allowing myself to let go of control and be OK with that, be able to hand it off and know that I can and will be a stronger, better and brighter person when I do. I need to find the place in myself that knows that by building my personal faith I am not alienating anyone around me - I am actually allowing myself to love them more completely and truly.

On a lighter note, this is the official warning to all who know and love me that I very well may be a basket case in the near future - but it is just not about you right now, so you are going to have to deal with it! (Wow that was liberating in and of itself!)

I forgot...

The Lucky Magazine was in the mailbox - and it was a good issue too...I think that I am finally old enough that I have one piece, from some earlier time in my life, that is back "in" now.
Funny...I belted a long sweater that I had on with black pants to wear to church. I asked S if he liked the belt and he said it looked like I was going to a Tears for Fears concert. So, I am ALSO thinking that if you DID wear it the first time, maybe you should not wear it the second time!

Driving slow on sunday morning

I always forget to take my meds on Sunday mornings! What is it about Sunday mornings. I have a routine on Sundays (which lately seems to include forgetting my meds!) that includes brown sugar cinnamon (NOT FROSTED) Pop Tarts, coffee, the Sunday paper and coupon clipping. Church at 11 allows me to sleep until 8 or 8:30 and still have a lazy morning. But the last two Sundays I have been sitting in church and all of a sudden I notice that I am jumpy, shaky, fidgety, picking my ends, thinking about crazy stuff and all in all, just not focused. And then it hits me that I did not take my meds b/4 I left (which during the week are in my system, after bfast, around 8). And then I am amazed how tierd I am by the time I get home. All that jumpiness and all those crazy thoughts wear me out. It's no wonder I used to sleep all the time (S would say I still sleep all the time, but it is better) b/4 my meds got straight!

My Mocs won Saturday night!

www.gomocs.com

And the blt was SO good - never is as good as the first time - but SO GOOD. And it made me think of a wine to recommend. Although Hair of the Dog was out on Saturday night, they serve Big House Red and that is a very good, very cheep (usually $9.99) table red (The first time I picked it up was the label, of course) ! I did the Twin Finn Merlot which was fine, but do check out Big House Red...

http://www.damngoodwine.com/vino_cadelsolo_bighousered.htm

I will be getting some of that on the way home!

I did walk/run Saturday, a total of 3.5 miles in 45 minutes...not bad for the fourth go at it. I did push myself on this one, running for longer periods at a faster pace (4.8 on the beloved treadmill).

And, as promised, a picture of Kozmo's best friend Percy:








One more thing...
Check out Andy's blog at http://twitchinghoof.blogspot.com
Andy, like myself, suffers from anxiety disorder but he lives in Australia. I love his blog b/c he has a pup on the front page and he defended Obama and blasted Bush...smart man!

a bacon kinda day

Well this week was a roller coaster. Thursday and Friday were interesting and busy. No panic to compare to Wednesday. Did NOT get to the gym either day...plan on going today.

The one part of Wednesday afternoon/night that was good, and that I did not mention, was the return of LOST. Love that show. More than anything I love to get online after the show is over and figure out everything that I missed. Because my brain refuses to absorb and retain everything week to week I have not had the let down that others had with the fall season - it is all, very simply, a nice escape from reality to me. And I love that the island has allowed all of the character to break out of their molds and in most cases become bolder and braver than they were - that would be nice!

Also, the oatmeal cherry cookies I made Wednesday turned out really well. Everyone really liked them at the meeting Thursday night. To get the recipe go to:

www.marthastewart.com and search oatmeal cherry cookies and you will find them.

I could not find dried cherries, so I used cherry flavored dried cranberries and I added dark chocolate chips to half the batch - and I think I will add them to the entire batch if I make them in the future.

Yesterday was busy at work. Koz was such a good boy. He was on the mountain playing with his friend Percy all day Thursday and I think he was really warn out! I will post a picture of Percy soon - they are quite the pair.

Last night S and I could not figure out what we wanted to do for dinner. So we decided to get in the car and drive around and get take out somewhere. Well, he decided he wanted bbq (which I knew I did not want) and I decided I would just make a quesadilla at home...then we both decided to just eat what we had at home...so, basically, we went for a nice ten minute drive!

I must also say, today, that I am truly sad that Anna Nicole's life ended the way that it did. People, in general, seem a little flippant about it - I think it is really sad - especially for her daughter. That little girl will hear so much about her mother and not have the experience to know what is true!

OK - so, bacon. Tonight I will go watch my beloved Moc's basketball team play www.gomocs.com and hopefully win - they NEED a win. So, before the game we are going to Hair of the Dog http://www.hairofthedogpub.net/photos to, "pregame it" and I LOVE the BLT there!

AND the quote on my google home page today is from Sir Francis Bacon and it is a quote that I need to remember - and advise I should use:

Silence is the virtue of fools.
-Sir Francis Bacon

Going to the Y to do a run/walk. And I THINK my Lucky magazine might be in the mailbox - which makes me very happy. (FYI - also finally read my Glamour - great issue!)

The Revenge of the Routine

NOT a good evenin' yesterday. Started great, routine in tact...ate my oatmeal, did a sudoku, went to work, Koz was a good dog, we had a great walk, and life was good. Took Koz by the house, and headed to the Wall to get ingredients for cookies that I needed to bake for a meeting tonight. Lovin the Wall, love watching the world go by, excited b/c there is a new Glamour out and BAM the biggest panic rush I have had in probably a month. I almost sat down on the floor in the Wallmart! I went to the frozen food department and breathed and tried to divert myself by allowing myself to pick out a pizza for dinner. Did that and then headed to the checkout, where I waited and read OK magazine (Jessica Simpson is a brunette -not a fan) and calmed down. Got to the car and had another moment - I think b/c I had allowed myself to relax enough to let the panic back in - and listened to Sports Talk long enough to calm down and drive home. Once home I ate the entire pizza and then started making cookies and eating too much dough, which made my stomach hurt. Which made me worry and not feel good and then the evening just stunk and I did not even read my Glamour. S was on his way home from Nashville and got caught in traffic and did not get in 'till late, so superman was not there to protect me.

Oh my aching...shins?

When I started this running adventure I was really worried about how my knees would hold up. little did I know that I would be running through the pains of shin splints - which I have never had in my life! After much googling last night I now know why. I have ginormous calf's (always have) and apparently this imbalance with my "shin muscle" is what is causing the pain. As suggested I sat on my heels last night...and I feel a little better today.

Yesterday confirmed to me that I am a crazy routine oriented person. I love my morning routine, which includes coffee, oatmeal and soduku after having fed Koz and before getting ready. The routine is, of course, much more detailed than that and allows me to wake up slowly and completely. The entire day yesterday was totally out of whack b/c my routine was changed! I fed Koz, got ready quickly, ate cereal out of a baggie, and rushed on. YUCK! Later in the day I did find an antidote! Another of my (new) favorite Cinnamon Dolce Latte at Starbucks and a little 45 minute nap. So, by 6 PM things were back to normal...

A couple of things I have found on the web recently:

• I am the nosiest person in the world (if I am visiting clean your medicine cabinet!) and I think that is why I love this site so much: http://www.cavemanscrib.com. Of course this is a Geiko site, but I think it is really clever.
• My favorite scent, Clinique in Bloom is back for a limited time only. They still do not have a lotion or body wash to go with it, which makes me sad, but it is the BEST scent.
• I was looking at ivillage and they have a quiz to find your celebrity twin: http://quiz.ivillage.com/entertainment/tests/CelebDoubleQuiz.htm. My celebrity twin is Reese Witherspoon, I am flattered - but not quite convinced of the tests accuracy.
• I visit about.com a lot to read articles about OCD and GAD and was surprised to learn that Paula Dean suffered from agoraphobia: http://panicdisorder.about.com/od/famouspeople/p/pauladeen.htm. Love her show, lover her restaurant, love her personality! She is a great example and the article ends with a great quote:

I would start the journey of mending. I would never again let myself be a victim of controlling fear. I feel as though I have two birthdays: the first one on January 19, 1947, and the other on June 19, 1989. That was the day that I totally became responsible for myself and my actions.

-Paula Dean

She's running to stand still

My boss (my Dad) was in the office all week a couple of weeks ago and I realized that the busier I am the happier I am. That being said, I decided to take on a few more things. I am currently working on a couple of knitting projects and going to a Bible Study on Mondays.

To add to that I recently committed to Scott that I would go to the Y with him, and a buddy of ours, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, but that has a new wrinkle. I am going to train with my sister-in-law, and a group from her work, for a 10K in July. I ran for the first time in a LONG time yesterday. I should say I did a walk-run. The first step in the progression to six miles. I warmed up for five minutes then ran two minutes and walked four minutes for thirty minutes and then cooled down for five minutes.

I am realizing today that, as a result of the commitment to the run, I need to re-enter the world of yoga. I have found, in the past, that I am too competitive for yoga...if the person(s) next to me are in a certain position, I want to be in that position too! This attitude has yielded many pulled muscles. At this point I think that there will actually be another internal drive to the yoga (being able to move, maybe) that will divert my attention from the people around me.

http://www.clearspringyoga.com/

Clear Spring is the place to go AND it is co-owned by the mother of my first boyfriend. Or, should I was the first boy I "went with" (Oh those were the days!) So I will be heading back there, soon!

A good friend of mine recently opened a book store and I am also joining the Southern Literature Book Club there. I am going to go pick up the book this afternoon. It is a great bookstore: http://www.rockpointbooks.com/

So, I hope to stay a, happy, busy little bee.

Finally, note to self: do not nap instead of taking Koz on walks over the weekend b/c he will be a royal pain in the office on Monday!

Thought for the day

This song was used during Sunday service LAST Sunday. I liked this part of it:

"In the Spirit let us travel, open to each other's pain, let our loves and fears unravel, celebrate the space we gain; there's a space for deepest dreaming, there's a time for heart to care, in the Spirit's lively scheming there is always room to spare!

Come and find the quiet center in the crowded life we lead, find the room for hope to enter, find the frame where we are freed; clear the chaos and the clutter, clear our eyes that we can see all the things that really matter, be at peace and simply be."

The song is called Centering and the lyrics are by Shirley Murray.

Unhappy Triad

Great day today. Hit the Golden Corral with the Cooper family (I personally hit Starbucks for the non fat sugar free Cinnamon dolce latte! It tastes so much more sinful than it is!) for a birthday celebration for my father in law and then had a very nice massage.

Later I slept all afternoon (nice!) instead of walking Koz and posting, as planned. Then went to dinner with the fam to celebrate my birthday. I got an awesome new piece of equipment which will make posting so much easier.

This morning I was thinking about how to explain to someone, who has not experienced anxiety, what anxiety is like. I was watching Sport's Center with Scott and I thought of the Unhappy Triad. I thought of the fearless athlete. The freshman or sophomore in High School or College who fearlessly maneuvers around the field, slicing and dicing defenders, going in for a slide tackle, and throwing her body around in front of the goal to ensure a score. Later, it happens, an injury, maybe the unhappy triad, which includes tearing the MCL, ACL and Meniscus. Things are never the same. After an individual is consciously aware of the pain an injury can bring it is human nature to hold up when another, fearless, player could undercut you while you go for the header, or you could lock your knee during a slide tackle or that your cleats won't quite hold up in the wet grass. The fearlessness is gone.

I remember my first panic attack. I, honest to God , thought I was dying. I thought of how my family would feel, I thought of all that I would miss, I did not want to die, I was truly afraid. From that moment on every adrenalin rush, every strange feeling, every slight tingle, and every twitch is the symptom that would lead to the diagnosis that will make your original prognosis come true. My mind fears death like scared pray waiting for the predator to attack. And don't ask me to be reasonable about this: I can be driving on the most dangerous interstate in the United States and be worried about the possibility that the slight pain in my right temple (logically caused by the fact that I am grinding my jaw because I am worrying) is the first sign of a brain tumor.

Realistically, people who suffer from anxiety are similar to mice who starve to death because they are so preoccupied by watching the hawk circling over their head that they forget to eat. So, we are so preoccupied with death that we forget to live.

So, when I get up every morning I promise myself that, today, I will try not to forget to live - not all day, anyway.

Yesterday was my birthday! It was a great day - we woke up to snow which is pretty rare here.
Here are some pictures of Koz in the snow. I am new at this and I am not quite sure how to get the pictures to look better - but this will do for now.

I did have a great day but napped a little too much - so much so that I was wide awake at 4:45! After some qvc window shopping I decided to post.

I had a wonderful dinner at one of my FAVORITE chains, Carraba's. I love it for several reasons. When it is just Scott (my husband) and I, I love to sit at the kitchen bar, where you watch the cooks. It is so warm up there and I am always cold. Last night we went with my Scott's brother and sister in law and their 2 and a half old daughter - who is SO cute! And, just for my birthday, they had a Coppola Cabernet that was so good! The best part of the night was as we were leaving Carraba's and the little one, who received a little packet of gummies for successfully requesting to go to the bathroom, was asked by the hostess (probably all of 16) where she got the gummies and the little one said in her loudest and proudest voice, "I pooped in the potty!" It was so cute and the hostess just turned green!

Then when we got home S surprised me with the coolest necklace and bracelet set. It is pink and chocolate brown beads - he did very well!

Well it is now 6:30, think I will start getting ready! My birthday continues today with lunch with my Mom and sister at a favorite restaurant in downtown Chattanooga, 212 Market.