Help, I need somebody, Help, not just anybody

I have a question for my tri buddies...I joined active.com and got a training plan for my 10K. To follow the plan I need to know my target heart rate...active.com says (based on my age, 31) that my target heart rate is 141 and recommended rate is 103-160...I am not sure what to do with that...For example, tomorrow I am to run 40 minutes with a target rate of 65-75% of max rate (160?)...that seems low! Thoughts?

Also, any suggestions on a reasonably priced monitor I could buy?

Dropped Koz off at the vet this morning..he is having surgery on his side today to remove a little growth. I hated to leave my little bubba, he was shaking like a leaf!

Good Dr. apts yesterday...I will find out the GYN test results, on the second opinion, in ten days. The GI doc was uneventful...I did inquire about my weight last year (I was there in the beginning of March) and it was 160. It was at that time, last year, that I decided that I wanted to loose weight. Proud to say I weighed in at 143 yesterday.

LOST was great last night...and once again I can not wait until next week! I am about to visit the message boards and pick up on what I might have missed!


I am definitely feeling that the reduction in prozac was a good call..I am feeling a lot less jumpy and jittery. My mind immediately wants to jump to stop taking it all together - but, I know I need to take it slow!

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors. (you know)

Ha ha ha bless your soul, You really think you're in control

There are two possible explanations for what happened last night:

1. I remember from my soccer days that there is a bit of adrenalin that carries you through the first practice and it is the second practice that always makes you feel as if you are going to die.

2. Treadmill running is much easier than road running.

All this to say...I had a great workout.

Total time was 50 minutes...5 minute walk, 10 minute run, 2 minute walk, 15 minute run, 5 minute walk, 5 minute run, 5 minute walk, 8 minute cool down.

According to the treadmill (not sure about accuracy) I went 3+ miles and burned 408 calories. Again, not sure about accuracy, but I cut the last run short because the little hand monitors on the treadmill said my heart rate was 170...and it took FOREVER (8 minutes) to get my heart rate down.

All was well with my knee, and it feels fine this morning (thank gawd). My nose also decided to be helpful and not run too badly!

Recovered last night stretching during two NEW Law and Order episodes...love it!

Today is doctor day...I have really bad acid reflux, so this morning I am going to my once a year apt with my GI to make sure my esophagus is not being damaged and this afternoon I am finally going to get a second opinion on some OB test results I have got lately (just me being extra cautious, as usual).

Wednesday night cooking is naked burritos...knocking off a local restaurant...let you know how it goes.

My heroes had the heart to Lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done
(Gnarles Barkley...got caught singing this on the treadmill yesterday...oops!)

Hey, I put some new shoes on, And suddenly everything is right,

I am proud of myself...I saw the big man, the main head shrinker, yesterday and he noted that he thought that I might need a mood stabilizer (i.e. ANOTHER pill). I asked for other options and he said we could see how I do on less Prozac...I'm in! He thinks that my up and down moods are due to a little bit of mania brought on by the Prozac...I hope that is the case...I am looking forward to putting the car back on cruise control!

I AM GOING TO RUN TODAY!!!! I am going to head to the Y, with a pocket full of tissue and tough it out. I think I will do an hour workout, S will be there that long doing weights, and do a good 10 minute walk to warm up, 4 intervals of 6 minute run, 4 minute walk, and a 10 minute cool down.

One of the things that (originally) made me want to start running is that it can be done anywhere, anytime...throw on the sneakers and go. I think that is why this allergy mess has gotten me down. I've realized for the next month or so I will be much more productive on on the treadmill than outside running with the pollen! The good news is that I have not had the internal pull to quit all together (as I might have had in the past) just because it is not working out the was I intended (wanted).


I got to see my sister and Jimmy yesterday. She was running around and came by the office so Jimmy could have a little snack in private. Here is a recent picture of the little one...he is really starting to look like his big brother...Jimmy is on the left, Tommy (now 2 and a half) is on the right. Oh I LOVE being an AUNT!!!!

We had a casual get together with our Bible study group at Tony's pasta last night - a great place if you are ever in Chattanooga. We then wandered across the walking bridge to Clumpies to get ice cream and I think I got the best ice cream I have ever had! It was blackberry white chocolate chunk...WOW!

And finally in my personal quest to not make bad moments become bad days I am pleased to say that I was successful in turning around yesterday's bad morning and making it a great day. I am convinced that this living in the moment mantra might be the beginning of a great turnaround in my life!

Oh, short on money,
But long on time,
Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine,
And i'm running late,
And i dont need an excuse,
'cause i'm wearing my brand new shoes. (PAOLO NUTINI)

It seems to me that maybe It pretty much always means no

Living in the moment...these are not the greatest moments (in my, new, positive mind frame I will stat that there is still potential for a great day!).

I think (know) that I am on too many meds. Regularly I take Previcid (acid reflux) and Prozac (OCD) in the morning and "the pill," (no little Molly's soon), zyrtec (allergies) and a klonapin (relaxes my jaw and helps me sleep so I do not whittle my teeth down to nothing) at night. That is a lot, and it bothers me...but for now I need it!

On top of that I am now taking an antibiotic, Musinex D and a cough pills twice a day. As well as an Advil every once in a while to loosen the clamp on the top of my nose.

Guess what...I'm tie rd...wonder why!
Guess what...I feel out of it...wonder why!
Guess what...I am a little miss cranky pants...wonder why!

No running, no outside time what so ever, too much medication, too much sleep. and to top it all off Johnny is playing with my emotions!

So, now I head to the big man, the TRUE shrink, the one with the Rx pad. I am going in with the mindset that I am going to be strong, I am going to be outspoken, I am going to request that he helps me reduce, or change, my meds...I have had no control the last four days...there is some little incling of control here and I am going to take full advantage of it!

And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down
(Jack)

And there will always be stop and go and fast and slow

Well, I am not feeling a lot better. I just turned down the opportunity to go to the Barn Nursery with my neighbor in order to sit inside on this absolutely gorgeous Sunday. I want so badly to feel better that I do not want to do anything to exaggerate the issue. I think I am going to call the doctor Monday morning and see about coming back in and getting on some allergy meds.

Friday night my wonderful husband went and got us fajitas at my favorite place, Amigos. I love it because they include tomatoes with the fajita veggies! Laid low and watched basketball Friday night.

Yesterday morning was exciting. Starting with the TV squealing and showing blips of colored lines. This TV was my parents and is a big old tube TV...but we love it! We are also aware if anything ever happened to it fixing it would not be an option (buying a new one would be cheaper). We later found out the same thing happened at our neighbors and we are pretty sure it was an issue with cable...however, we have heard it squealing a couple of times again today!

We then realized there is a squirrel in the attic...so, we went to Scott's parent's and got their pellet gun (with a scope) and squirrel trap.

Here is a picture of S heading up to the attic to set the trap.

No action from the trap yet...

Went to our neighbors for dinner last night and they grilled out chicken and steak and made rice and sauteed peppers and asparagus...so good. We provided the party (margarita) in a bucket! We stayed long enough to see Payton Manning on SNL...I think b/c he was not terrible it was a success.

As you probably can tell I downloaded the software from S's camera and figured out how to download pictures to the camera and upload them to the blog. Before I finish today I want to post a couple of pictures that S took of Koz recently, that I love...

Action,Reaction, sticks and stones and broken bones
Those for peace and those for war
And god bless these ones, not those ones
But these ones made times like these
And times like those
What will be will be
And so it goes (Jack Johnson)

Silver white winters that melt into springs

About an hour after I posted yesterday I went downhill fast. The entire left side of my face started to throb, my teeth even ached and the amount of crap coming out of my nose was increasing by the minute. So, I left the reins with Dad, bowed out and went home and got in the bed. After work my sweet husband drove up the mountain to my parents house and got Koz for me so I could head straight home.

I had enough energy to make some risotto last night, that we had with pork and I crashed again. I woke up (I am such a dork I set an alarm) in time for LOST. A GREAT episode! Lived up to all my expectations and much more...my favorite parts were...Ben telling Locke that the electricity comes from hamsters running on a wheel, Locke looking down the sub. hatch like the island hatch so long ago, Jack playing the piano, when Locke was put in the wheelchair for the first time (gasp...) and, of course, the end. Next week looks interesting too!

Went to the doc this morning to find out I do have a pretty good sinus infection. Got a nice steroid shot in my butt and an Rx for some antibiotics and cough meds. Just have to wait the thing out...

S got us fajitas for dinner, the only thing I could taste was the hot salsa. Going to chill for the rest of the night and play tomorrow by ear.

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad
(Sound of Music)

Dont let the sound of your own wheels, Drive you crazy

So, lots to report...

First and foremost I am still not running b/c I have a CRAZY sinus infection! I tried running Monday but found myself getting dizzy b/c I was not getting enough air. (Wore the knee brace and my knee felt good...which is nice!) As gross as it is...my nose is completely blocked! In addition I am looking mighty purty...my lips look like I have been skiing for a week and my nose is so chapped that even Elizabeth Arden's Eight Hour Cream (an OLD standby, need to add it to my favorite things!) is not doing the trick and, to top it off, I have swelling under my eyes.

I went to the head shrinker yesterday and she and Andra have given me some more ideas on how to become more silent. I think as a part of "getting better" mentally I have become overly self aware...constantly thinking any thoughts to avoid thinking "bad" thoughts. I also know that I have issues with feeling as though I am underachieving...long and sorted story...so in my mind "quiet" time is not productive time! All that being said, to say, that I am adding quiet time to my life plan. Whether it be meditation, breathing exercises, or yoga I really want to learn to sit with myself and be comfortable...and I will!

I did get to the Buck and get a sugar-free, non-fat, no whip cinnamon dolche latte yesterday (I feel like a coffee snob when I say, let alone type, that.) I have not visited the new Starbucks that opened about three miles from the casa...I am sure I will soon. I need to get a new travel mug...mine is leaking...I think it has been in the dishwasher one too many times!

Looking forward to LOST tonight...I hope the Locke back story is all they have hyped it up to be! Going to make some Bertoli Risotto, tomato basil, to go with the left-over pork - I might try and find some sort off relish to go with the pork. I have a new love of Sandra Lee after watching her "chefography" on the Food Network last night. I am ashamed to say that I was a little put off by her b/c I thought she was a snob and uppity...turns out that girl had it hard and worked hard for everything she's got. Gonna go on amazon now and find her slow cooker cook book!

Lighten up while you still can

Don't even try to understand

Just find a place to make your stand

And take it easy

(Eagles)

I can only imagine

At Bible Study last night we talked about how, "my" generation (30ish) is not (always) capable of doing nothing...we have to be doing something or have the TV on or the radio on or be on the computer. I am very guilty of this! So, I decided that on the way home (about a 25 minute drive) I would not listen to the radio or my ipod and drive home in silence, Here is how it went...

OK it is quiet and dark and I don't like that!...You gotta know when to hold 'em know when to fold 'em...where did that come from...we were talking about Casino Royal before Study....I be that is where that came from...what was the name of that game Gary said they played in the original...I remember Kim making that CCCaaa noise in the middle of it...what was it...didn't it start with B...oh well...You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run, you never COUNT YOUR MONEY when you're sittin at the table they'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's dun...this is not productive...ohhh Sonic....ohh I want a milk shake...keep driving, keep driving, keep driving....what should I be thinking about...something from Bible Study...we talked about angels, I should think about this more...have I had any angels come in and out of my life?...Kevin...that's it Kevin...he was there when I had my bad panic attack, took me to him house for lunch and his wife made fresh veggies from the garden and he gave me books about anxiety and waited at the therapists office with me...do I say thank you enough...I hope so...I shouldn't say it too much though...why has my new In Style not come yet...that is not a good thought Molly, it will only make you want more...but SUCH a cool magazine...I really like how Rachel Ray shows you in Celebrities refrigerators, STOP...and Kevin always turned on the Christan radio station when he was the first one to work...what was that song I liked...what was it...something about how will I feel when I see you Jesus...I can't remember...I need to make Kozmo an appointment at the vet...know when to walk away know when to run...I can't believe that Chris and Jim are going to the race at Bristol...I need to decorate my house better...why can't I remember that song I liked so much...I can sing all of Princess Pat, but not that song...the princess pat, lived in a tree, she sailed across the seven seas, STOP!...I should email Kevin...or should I just accept that he supposed to be there when he was and that is it...alright dude if you are going to turn how about using your turn signal...I wonder if this is OK...I don;t think I am really being silent...I still can not stop thinking and singing...I can't believe I tried to run tonight...stupid lungs...I hope that lady did not see me spit out that uckiness...she was cute...I do think she is planting a little early...am I going to cut back the hydrangeas or not...i think it is too late...now what is that, it's something made, by the princess Pat...oh, they are selling that car...I wonder if I can get Scott to buy it...home again home again jiggity jig...I hope Scott left the door unlocked...I hope my key works...

So, that is that.

I found THE song this morning (it is byMercy Me):

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk By your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face Is before me
I can only imagine
CHORUS: Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do Is forever Forever worship
You I can only imagine

I think I need to go back to yoga

2 Corinthians 5: 17

Good day. Went to church with S this morning. Saw his Grandmother who we have not seen in a while and I miss.

Hit the BiLo for groceries and this week's People as well as People Style Watch. Watched TN win and advance to the Sweet 16 - nice! Took a nice nap when it was apparent that our Lady Mocs were not going to make it in the first round against Baylor. Koz and I took a nice walk, it is a beautiful day here in TN!

Cooked tonight, I made a pork recipe with creamed corn. I will probably NOT cook this pork again. It was really under seasoned. I think the leftovers will be good this week, on sandwiches and so forth, but as a main course it did not fly. The creamed corn took about 3x longer to cook than the recipe suggested...otherwise great - great flavor, I added basil. The pork was 2 for one at the store - I plan to make the other tenderloin next Sunday, but marinate it over night...considering this Paula Dean recipe.

I went to yoga Saturday morning. it was a really nice class...very relaxing. Saturday was a relaxing day. We went out with some friends to celebrate St. Patty's Day Saturday night. It was fun and pretty crazy busy for Chatt-a-vegas. I enjoyed my favorite beer...Killians Irish red...very nice!

My life plan planning is going well. So far I have decided the following things: I am going to go to yoga Tuesday night and Saturday morning, I am going to cook on Wednesday and Sunday, I am going to run on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday, do core work on Sunday, Wednesday and Friday, keep healthy food in the house and not let it go bad!, I am going to work on writing short stories, maybe a book during down time at work, I will always have fresh flowers in the house AND, most importantly, I am NOT going to worry if I do not follow this plan exactly!

Off to read my People and People Style Watch...

"Therefore, if any one is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come"

Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait

OK

So, aside from deleting the last blog I must post again to bump it from the top. I would also ask that anyone who did not read this mornings post, does not! (yea right)

Andy had to come along and kick me in the a$$ for feeling sorry for myself, no matter what I typed, THAT is the truth...I was feeling sorry for myself.

So, for the rest of the evening I am working on a plan of action, something constructive as opposed to a bunch of whining followed by a sad Soul Asylum song that I played over and over and over in High School.

Oh the irony of posting about growing up and then quoting an overplayed, over analyzed song from 1994....in a way, gotta love it and gotta laugh.

What's mine is yours to leave or take
(The Fray)

More on the life plan tomorrow!

Seems like I should be getting somewhere, Somehow I'm neither here no there

I'm stuck...

This is not an unusual place for me to be. I am usually in 100%, out 100% or stuck. When I got into running, I ran. I was doing great, sticking with it, increasing my time and mileage and enjoying the experience. Now, I have not run in over a week and I feel weak and tied. The potential of my knee hurting has caused me throw on the breaks. And, in turn, throw on the emergency break, coming to a complete and useless stop. Why eat well if I am not running, why do my core work if I am not running, why not just take a nap and start running tomorrow.

Like I said...this is not an unusual place for me to be - BUT, I have never publicly announced my great ability to stand in the middle of an avalanche and just watch the world fall all around me. This gift also includes the ability to totally pretend that nothing is happening, yet make GREAT excuses for why it IS happening.

Last night, sitting in my cozy chair, reading random blogs I thought to myself...I just need to grow up and get over it! I have started SO many things and not finished them. I can tell the world every excuse in the book, but when it comes down to it - I know the truth, I need to grow up and get it done.

Yes I want to play Spider solitaire for hours, yes I want to put off filing until tomorrow, yes I want to watch Law and Order for three hours, yes I want to eat four sugar cookies, yes I want to take a nap, yes I want one more glass of wine, yes I want to skip my core work tonight, yes I want put off, "trying to run on my knee" until tomorrow, and (truth be told) No I do not want to be help accountable for any of those decision...and YES I have a great excuse why.

Enough! It is time to be a big girl, at 31 I am calling myself out - grow up girl and for goodness sake, get over yourself!


Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same
(Soul Asylum)

Something I've done that I can't outrun

Dinner went well last night...the Chicken Parmigiana was really good. It was VERY cheesy. I actually cut the amount of cheese...cut back from 1/2 cup parmigiana reggiano and 1/2 pound smoked mozzarella to about 1/4 a cup parm and 5 oz of mozz. If I make it again I will cut it back even more. Scott grilled the chicken outside, which made it even better! Over all... YUM-O!

Cooking did snap me out of my funk...I felt very accomplished! But, just to give some insight into my psyche here... sometimes content times can be hardest for me. If I do not try very hard to stay in the moment I catch myself, not thinking about how nice this moment is, BUT worrying how many more happy moments I have left! It is a hard thing to understand if you are of sound mind...last night I dealt with it by thinking of, my negative thoughts as," roots of bitterness" and tried very hard to stay in the moment.

Then there was LOST. I thought a very good episode. Because of all my reading on the ABC web site I was not surprised by the Claire and Jack connection. The web site this morning brings up the possibility that the Jack we saw at the end of the show last night was the twin of Jack we know...interesting. I am SO excited about next week. Locke is my favorite. At one moment you think he is just like an impulsive little kid and the next moment you wonder if he is smarter than everyone thinks (how about him having some of the explosives!).

Finally, I did my bracket this morning...not TOO over the top. I have Florida, Kansas, Carolina and Memphis in the final four...with Memphis beating Kansas in the final. As far as early upsets I think that Arkansas will beat Southern Cal, I have Gonzaga beating Indiana AND UCLA, Holy Cross beating Southern Illinois and Tech beating UNLV.

I think that Florida will go far...part of me wants them to loose...because I would be really interested to see if Noah, Brewer and Green come back...can you imagine?!? AND Scott and I saw Kansas and Florida play in a tournament in Vegas and I think that Kansas might just be too big for Florida.

Maybe you should wait maybe you should run

But there's something you've said that can't be undone

(The Fray)

That's when I know that I have to get out cause I have been there before

Yesterday was a pretty much, all around, pity party kind of day.

Work was work...nothing overly exciting. But, after work (and taking Koz on our 40 minute walk at lunch) my knee was SOAR. Talked to my work runner buddy who thought that I might stay off it a little longer...the kind of day I was having, that was all I needed to hear.

Through JOHNNYTRI's site I started reading Steven's site and read about how much he appreciated his busy wife having a hot dinner on the table for him. I decided I would do the same...until S said he would be at the gym (lifting) from 7:30 until 9:00 and did not really want a big meal before he went and would probably eat cereal when he got home. So, tonight is the night that MY hubby will get a hot meal...Rachel Ray's Chicken Parmigiana. I have also decided that I am going to make a last ditch effort to stock our house with healthy, but more importantly, fresh food. With just the two of us eating irregularly, we often let (expensive) fruits and veggies go bad. But I caught myself eating tortilla chips last night b/c there was nothing else to snack on...so, I am going to try again.

So the pity part continued and I had frozen pizza for dinner and then drank too much red wine and ate too many butterscotch chips. By the time S got home from the gym I was bouncing off the walls. So, I helped him take ALL (a month's worth) of our recycling to the curb, and we talked to our neighbors a little and I calmed down somewhat.

Today has been pretty slow. Went and got my Passport application in...we are going to the Turks in May for a destination wedding. I should start trying self tanners now, to find one that looks OK on my translucent skin! Going to the store tonight to do my fresh food shopping and get stuff for the parmigiana.

I hope that successfully cooking a meal will snap me out of this funk...I have to be in a good frame of mind to do my bracket tonight!

So I gave up my seat at the bar and I head for the door. Yeah.
(Counting Crows)

Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, And His righteousness

Two things tonight:

1) My head shrinker has said on several occasions that I "awfulize," (i.e. expect the worst out of every situation). Tonight at Bible Study a verse stuck out to me. The following is from Hebrews 12:15, "See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and through it many will become defiled."
This is another (specific) example of how I need to take the word of God and apply it to my everyday life. Because all of my negative obsessions do come from a "root," a small thought that grows and grows and grows and not only affects me, but the way that I interact with others.

2) A cool thing about my Dad: Listening to Glen Beck (I know, I know...it was just on) on the way home and he was talking about his priorities this year.He said, when his wife calls, his co-workers will hear, "just a minute, this is my wife, I need to take it," as opposed to, "I'm busy honey, let me call you back." I remember one time I called my Dad on his cell phone, and he answered. We talked for a moment and I asked what he was up to (I could hear that he was in a restaurant) and he said, "I am having dinner with the head of the FAA." Horrified me at the time - makes me smile today!

(Kim I can't spell, but you know that...)

And all these things shall be added unto you
Hallelu, Hallelujah!
(Matthew 6:33)

Gardening at night, gardening at night, gardening at night

I went to church this morning and showed off my bright white legs for the first time this spring.

When I got home S and I headed out to the mall to pick up all the clothes he got tailored during our shopping last weekend. When we got to the mall I headed to Clinique to pick up some pressed powder and on the way to Dillards...I saw it. I always wait for the Bath and Body Works after Christmas sale, when the store brings back retired fragrances, to get my favorite sent...Honeysuckle. I have used this fragrance on and off since High School and can never quite get away from it. Well, they have introduced a new Wild Honeysuckle...a little more mature, a little less sweet! I am so excited... I got the body wash, lotion, and would have gotten more but it is so popular that they have already sold out of a lot of elements.


After all of our running around, and getting my VERY dirty car washed, we went to one of our favorite places, Smokey Bones. They have great BBQ chicken nachos, and we love all the TV's and the little speakers on the tables so you can hear the volume on a specific channel. We got to watch some of the ACC, SEC, Big 10 and Big 12 Championship games.



After a quick trip to the Wall we headed home, I took a nap and S watched the Bracket show. The only other big news of the day is that I think I have found the non-chocolate little something to cure my craving...The Oatmeal Cream Pie! Who knew?



On the running front...my knee is really soar today. I plan on getting my old brace from my parents and I plan on taking it easy until then. I also need to get one of those little thing that tracks your mileage as you run.


Somewhere it must be time for penitence.
gardening at night is never where
(REM)

Three little birds, sat on my window. And they told me I don't need to worry.

Where to start...

#1
I know (know, know, know) that due to my delicate stomach I should not drink wine while I eat red meat. In my tipsy bliss last night I happily noted the burger and Merlot. So, S got home about 1:45 am last night and when I woke up (b/c our back door is not working and it is VERY hard (thus can be very loud) to get the key to work) to let him in I felt SO sick! SO, I managed to get sick about 45 minutes later, drink a Sprite, watch HGTV and went back to sleep around 3:30.

#2
Woke up around 9:00 to Koz rambunctiously licking my face. Still not feeling great. Fed him and decided to go for a run hopping that would make me feel better (sweat it out, right?)...ate a banana before I left. I then decided to do 5 minute intervals...running as fast as I can for 5 minutes and walking 5 minutes. The first 10 minutes were OK...2 and a half minutes into the second run the banana revisited me. SO...I decided to change my strategy and just take a nice walk home.

#3 - the good one
Got home, made coffee, showered, ate a Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tart - LOVE, Love, love - and caught up with S. Then I headed to my High School to coach the alumni team against the varsity. I say coach lightly, it was my job to make sure that no one passed out before I got them a sub. And "my" team WON! It was the first time in a while that the "veterans" have won and I had SO (so, so, so) much fun seeing my guys. I really miss coaching!

#4
Still don't feel great...the chicken and red pepper quesidillia I made when I got home from the game is not sitting very well!

#5
In addition to not being able to get into our house, S discovered that the plumbing under the kitchen sink is leaking! This stresses me b/c I FEEL like the guy who put it in should fix it for free (he put it in four months ago!), but I don't know if that is right and furthermore, I know that regardless of how I feel, I will probably not have the balls to express myself.

So, I am now sitting here, frustrated about my bad "run," worrying too much about the sink, and still not feeling great. I think I am going to eat an English Muffin, reflect on the good parts of my day, read my (NEW, yea!) Lucky magazine and go to bed!

(Momma...I HOPE you find your HOPE!)

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?
(Corinne Bailey Rae)

Life's a journey not a destination And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings

I have to say that Thursday was probably the most interesting day I have had in a very long time.

I found out Wednesday night that Dad hurt his knee and Mom fell at the pharmacy and two of her fingers were/are really swollen. So yesterday morning I went to my parents house and, after my Momma went to the emergency room to get her fingers checked out, I took Dad to quirky, but very talented, Dr. William Matthews who is 90% sure (his words) that Dad tore his meniscus. Having done this, and had surgery for it, I was not surprised. Momma ended up with two badly bruised fingers, no breaks or fractures.

So, after scheduling an MRI and surgery we went on to Bridge to Health to see Dad's massage therapist (with the Doc's OK) so he could work on getting the swelling out of Dad's knee. While he was there I walked down to The Stone Cup (http://www.stonecup.com/index/index.php) and got Dad and myself a sandwich and my friend Dawn at Bridge to Health a Soy Chi Latte and myself a vanilla latte and headed back.

So, Mom and Dad were planning on going to Atlanta to watch Tennessee play in the SEC tournament (http://www.secsports.com/index.php?s=&change_well_id=9954) and it was becoming more and more apparent that Dad (who also has a bit of a cold) did not want to go. I was not crazy about going, but I knew that if I got there I would be glad I went. It is the whole traveling to and from Atlanta thing that was not so appealing. So, Mom and Dad and I finally decided that Mom and I would go. Scott and our friend Rusty were already there, so the added bonus was getting to see S when I did not think that I would see him for a couple of days (he was staying down there for the tourney).

I took a nap on the window seat at Mom and Dad's ( TN was playing at 9:45, we figured we would be home around 2:00 am) and planned on heading to my house to drop Koz off and change. Well, traffic was at a stand still just past the house, on the way down the mountain, so I just headed back, left Koz with Percy and Dad and Mom and I headed off.

After we got out of Chattanooga traffic was fine and we got to The Gorgia Dome in time to meet S, get a suggestion on where to get a (GREAT) sandwich, and get to our seats in time to see the beginning of the Georgia v. Auburn game. Auburn's head coach Jeff Lebo used to coach at UTC (S and my Alma mater and FAVORITE bball team). This made S root against Auburn (he thinks Lebo used us and left as soon as he was offered more money...a bad thing for us, but you can't blame the guy, which is why...)Mom and I were for the Tigers, who lost pretty badly. We did have great seats, right at half court, on the floor, about 8 rows back, thanks to Dad's position on the UT Board (as Rusty says, "snooty").

After Mom and I unsuccessfully searched the Dome for ice cream we settled in for the UT v. LSU game. The game was close and went into overtime...TN played well, but not good enough to beat Glen "Big Baby" Davis and the LSU Tigers who have underachieved to this year.

We still hope to get into the final 65, as TN was ranked 22nd in the last national poll. The SEC might end up with as many as 5 teams in the tourney. Because of the overtime Mom and I rolled in around 2:45 AM.

I spent the night at Mom and Dad's (S stayed in Hot 'lanta with Rug) and had a pretty lazy day today. Mom and I went to a fundraising sale for a breast cancer foundation in town and I got a pair of earrings, a skirt and a blazer, all for 50% off or more. Then Mom, Dad and I went to the Meeting Place (http://www.stjohnsrestaurant.com/meeting-place.php) for dinner. I had a great burger and two glasses of nice Merlot, thanks to Momma picking me up and dropping me off at home after dinner.

I am about to call Scotty and see if he and Rug are going to stay in Atlanta tonight or not...going to yoga in the morning and then heading to "coach" the alumni team in the alumni V varsity fundraising soccer game. I hope to get a run in the afternoon - I did not get one in (more specifically, make time for one) yesterday or today...

It's Amazing

With the blink of an eye you finally see the light

It's Amazing

When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright

It's Amazing

And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight
(Aerosmith)

And even when your hope is gone Move along, move along just to make it through

WOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

I did it! I stuck to it! 2 minute walk, 10 minute run, 2 minute walk, 10 minute run, 2 minute walk , 10 minute run, 8 minute walk home!

First off I did not even want to go...but it was weird b/c I found myself changing and putting my sneakers on without thinking about it. During the second 10 minute run I was thinking, I am going to do a 5 minute run, 5 minute walk, 5 minute run instead of running 10 straight. But when I started the third 10 minute run I decided I could do it. I do need to thank Kanye, All American Regects and Diddy for helping me through that third 10 minute run!

It is really corny, but really cool, to tell you all how proud I am of myself for pushing through! I have never been very good at that - I am one to find a good excuse (good enough to even convince me) to stop when the going gets tough - and I did not stop!

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong,
we move along Along, along, along
(All American Rejects)

i seem to recognize your face

Before I left for Cleveland yesterday I talked to Bill again (runner friend in the office) and asked him if I needed breathing lessons, or something along those lines, in order to prevent the side stitches, as opposed to stomping and exhaling in order to curtail them. He said no, that my diaphragm just needs to get used to bounding around. I thought that was so funny...I have the man from my anatomy book in my head with his diaphragm bouncing around banging into all the surrounding organs. I have also managed to forget how important my IT bands are to the equation and spent a good deal of time last night (while watching TiVoed Gilmore Girls) trying to stretch those buggers out - they feel like rope!

Also, on the 10K front Jen sent me the course map for the 10K, which made it feel all too real and I am actively looking for a 5K to run. I have a feeling I will be better off if the 10K is not the first run I've EVER done...5K sounds like a better starting point!

Did manage to get to Starbucks, they were out of the sugar free Cinnamon Dolce syrup, so I splurged and went with the original. The interesting thing is that it was almost too sweet...it took me a long time to drink it!

Good visit with the head shrinker. Her way of helping me deal with my current (mild) anxiety was to remind me of the (much) more anxious moments, days, weeks...I had in the past. It did help put things in perspective!

Had to take the Koz to the vet yesterday afternoon b/c he has a weird bump on his side. We have to put ointment (love that word!) on it for two weeks and if it does not go down it will have to be surgically removed, to make sure it is not cancer!

Spent the evening with my Mom (S is out of town) and my sister and the family. We had a great dinner and a lot of fun. Her oldest son, Tommy does not really look like either my sister or her husband. But with Jimmy it is amazing b/c it is so evident that he has his Dad's eyes and nose and my sister's mouth and chin.

My goal this afternoon is three 10 minute runs with 2 minute breaks in between...let you know how it goes...

haunting, familiar, yet i can't seem to place it

(Pearl Jam)

Whe you get to the bottom you go back to the top of the slide

Despite my morning anxiety session, yesterday turned out to be a pretty good day.

I was busy with Dad all afternoon and felt a lot better after I ate lunch. I am considering Andy's suggestion to give up coffee all together...I just don't know if I can do it!

When I was heading out of the office last night I talked to a guy who is a long distance runner about my side stitch. He suggested that it was a breathing issue (which I guessed) and said that when the stitch starts I should exhale as I plant my foot on the opposite side (of the stitch). So, I got home and changed and headed out and it actually worked! AND I had one of the best runs I have had so far! I ran 12 minutes, walked 2, ran 10 minutes, walked 2 and ran 5 minutes and walked 3 home. whoo hoo! I ran A LOT more than I walked! And the only problem with the stitch advise is that it made the other side start up, so I think that I need to work on my breathing in general.

I actually wanted to run longer but I knew I needed to get home and eat a little something before Bible study. Managed to get in a yogurt and some dry cereal and headed out. Bible Study was good. I just love our group. I leave there feeling happy and empowered. Even if things that are said are totally against what I believe, I leave THINKING. Instead of just hearing and accepting I am actually THINKING - I like it!

I bought English muffins at the store...a staple from my past, and had one, with Smart Balance and raspberry jelly. when I got home...YUMMY!

About to head to Cleveland to see the head shrinker, I am determined to leave early enough to stop for a latte this time. So much for giving up coffee...

This is a song Charles Manson stole from the Beatles.
Were stealing it back. (U2)

Sometimes I feel like I can't even sing Part II

Better...passed balance test (I should have known I did the best Tree Stands I've ever done in class Saturday morning) and the receptionist (after I probed her) said she was a little cold too. Dad is here and yelling my name every two minutes...almost time to take Koz out on a walk. Think I'll make it!

Sometimes I feel like I can't even sing.

So, I am in the midst of a mild panic attack, for no good reason and I thought I would record what is going through my brain at the moment.

The beginning:
About 10 minutes ago I took a big swig of coffee and felt nauseous. I put the coffee up and grabbed my water and TLC crackers. Nausea subsided, thoughts did not. I started to "realize" that I fell a little out of it, kinda medicated, which is unusual. Then my mind started racing - did I take my meds twice this morning? As usual, the left side of my face feels a little funny, kinda droopy and I am continuously running the left side of my bottom lip across my teeth to make sure it is not numb. I have also taken to pinching my face (which is why I started typing so I would stop pinching) and my left hand.

Now:
My hands are ice cold. Right before I started typing this I got a mild (what I like to call) panic rush and the drive to get up and go talk to someone. Called Mom and S, neither there. Called Koz from his bed, he is snuggled in my lap. Started opening and closing my right eye then my left eye to see if my vision is off on either side, my left eye seems a little blurry. Very aware of the back of my head, punched around a little hoping not to find a soft spot. I have not been carrying my chill pills with me b/c things have been good lately. If I had one I would take it. I want to avoid picking my hair right now. Dad is supposed to be here shortly, hope he gets here soon so that I (just pinched the side of my face up my jaw line b/c it felt kinda funny) will get busy.

Now What:
I am going to go walk to the bathroom and back. Before I go I will do my balance tests...I will stand on one foot, extend my arms and touch my finger to my nose and evaluate my balance. Maybe on the way to the office someone else will mention that the office is cold and that will justify my freezing fingers.

Thanks for listening...

I'm very scared for this world
I'm very scared for me (REM)

Come on aboard, I promise you you won't hurt the horse

We treat him well, we feed him well.
There's lots of room for you on the bandwagon,
The road may be rough, the weather may forget us
But won't we all parade around and sing our songs,
a magic kingdom, open-armed (REM)

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Coronthians 13:1-3

Saturday:
kozmo love
yoga www.clearspringyoga.com
Greenlife http://www.greenlifegrocery.com/
BiLo http://www.bi-lo.com/
Riverside Wine and Spirits http://www.riversidewine.com/
kozmo love
Lady Mocs win Southern Conference Tournament
http://www.gomocs.com/article.asp?articleid=84236
sleep
Papa John's http://www.papajohns.com/
kozmo love
House Hunters http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/shows_hnt
knitting
sleep

Sunday:
kozmo love
paper www.timesfreepress.com
church http://www.brainerdumc.org/
Waffle House www.wafflehouse.com
Men's Warehouse www.menswearhouse.com
S & K www.skmenswear.com
Belk www.belk.com
Banana Republic www.bananarepublic.com
back to Men's Warehouse
kozmo love
more Papa John's
Mr Deeds http://imdb.com/title/tt0280590/
Legally Blond http://www.legallyblonde.com/
blog www.stapleittogether8.blogspot.com

Look at all the flags and all the banners waving
Open up our arms, a magic kingdom, open-armed and greet us all (Bandwagon)

And I don't understand why I sleep all day And I start to complain that there's no rain

First down period in a while.

Started last night in anticipation of the second opinion doctor's appointment scheduled for this morning. On LOST Wednesday night Kate pulled a dart out of James's foot (I love when she calls him James)..she said, on three and then pulled the dart out after the count of one. Sawyer said, why'd you do that and she responded that anticipation is always the worst part. I agree (it is also always the best part...).

Anyway, tough night last night, I was nervous and jittery and the onset occurred after dinner, I already had a glass of wine, so I did not want to take a chill pill to calm down. So, the old standby came into play (literally) and I took to picking at my hair and, as usual, searching for and destroying little breaks in my hair calmed me greatly. I was able to sleep but not well and not through the night.

Before I went to bed I discovered that I did not want to go to the OBGYN appointment for reasons out of my control, if you know what I mean. I rescheduled this morning. I called Dad this morning and took the day off. The worry of anticipation was quickly replaced by the worry that if something was wrong it would be even longer b/4 diagnosed.

I de-cluttered (to the extent possible) the house this morning waiting for the man from Lowes to come and address the few little things that have not been done (to our satisfaction). About an hour before he was to arrive Lowes called to say that he fell of a U Haul truck the day before and would not make it. At that point I decided to take the best medicine...a nice long nap.

Feeling a little better when I woke up, I had a late lunch (TLC crackers are my new obsession, I can eat a box in three days, easy) and took Koz on a walk. We went the route that I have run the last two times, my 40 minute run/walk took me and Koz's nose about an hour. It was a BEAUTIFUL day...I thought it would be a lot colder and rainy, not the case.

Officially, at this point, I am feeling better. I am planning on going to yoga in the morning for the first time in a long time. I am still telling myself that I will NOT be competitive (and pull my but muscle for the third time) that I will get a well needed stretch and hopefully a little spiritual connection from the class.

S is at the Y with our friend, I am anticipating a quite night. I am going to re-do the blanket I started for Jimmy in another fabric. I am not happy with the way it is turning out and it is too holey for me. I worry about a little baby toe getting stuck. I have a cashmere blend yarn that I planned to make a sweater out of that I am going to make into the new blanket.

Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today

So stay with me and I'll have it made

Blind Melon, No Rain

Can't you see it's just raining? There ain't no need to go outside

Telephone singin, ringin, it's too early Don't Pick it up We don't need to...







We got everything we need right here And everything we need is enough







It's just so easy When the whole world fits inside of your arms Do we really need to pay attention to the alarm

Ain't no need, ain't no need Rain all day and I really really really don't mind

A little combo of a Chattanooga weather forecast, some new pics of BJ that my sister sent and my favorite song of ALL TIME (Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson)

AND:

thanks mimi

back at you all!