Thursday, June 28, 2007

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

It was a BAD DAY all around...

I unconsciously turned off the alarm and slept an hour too late, I cried

Koz was not doing well this morning, I cried

I could not hold onto anything, I decided I was having DMS (as opposed to PMS), I cried

I was jumpy and anxious, I went shopping (to make myself feel better?), spent too much money, I cried

Went back to the store (a small "boutique") a couple hours later and tried to return the clothing and low and behold there is a sign that says ALL RETURNS ARE FOR STORE CREDIT ONLY - damage done, I cried

Got home, got Koz to eat and it began to pour, I did not want to run in the rain (I know what I said Dr John), I cried

I wondered if I was so emotional b/c I was off the meds, I cried

I thought about going back on the meds, I cried

I went to sleep, I kept waking up after a dream that I was hit in the back of the head by a baseball (I could hear the metal clank of the bat hitting the ball) and jumping up

I felt fat because I did not run, I thought of all the chocolate I've eaten this week, I ate more chocolate, I cried

Took a bath, cried some more

Put the pork in the oven and cooked the cous cous and made a salad, I had not turned the oven on, I really cried.

I ate dinner with S (45 minutes later than planned) and watched the NBA draft, could not care less, did not cry

Checked my email saw that Momo and Dr John had answered yet another one of my questions, thought about how cool they are, I cried

Decided to post all this so maybe I will stop crying...

...uh...can we pretend that today did not happen, cause guess what I'm doing?

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong (Daniel Powter)


Andy said...

All that crying, you're gonna feel fantastic sometime soon. There's nothing like that post-cry-high.

Molly said...

Thanks Andy

Having a really good morning so far...

Check out my horoscope for today:

Your subconscious mind may be telling you something you really need to know, but it's easier not to listen. If you doubt yourself now, you may try to convince others of your worth by driving yourself too hard, only to end up overcommitted and overextended. There is a lot happening all around you and you must create healthy boundaries. Start by trusting your instincts, especially if you need to say "no."

Maybe I need to read that thing more often!

Matt said...

Sorry to hear about your day. Some days are just like that.

Andra Sue said...

I feel ya, girly! While I have not cried, per se, I've been a complete funk for the past week. Grumpy, whiney, annoyed at everything and everyone. Eating too many snacks...salty, sweet, you name it. Wanting very badly to partake of shopping therapy (but not letting myself). Feeling fat, even though the scale hasn't budged. Pissed about all the rain. And the list goes on.

If today wasn't Friday (and sunny)...I think I might be tempted to throw myself under a bus, just for the change of scenery!

Aimée said...

Molly maybe its something like when girls hang out together a lot their monthly cycles become parallel. Maybe our anxiety cycles are starting to click :) Your dream is so interesting to me and I really like what you said about getting all the bad out of the way for the day. I hope you feel better soon, hang in there.