Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Yeah I know that everyone gets scared

I have been down again lately. I think this time it is, mostly, due to the blessings of being a woman.

I have also been down on myself. I have not been sticking to ANY fitness routine that I pull together for myself. And at the same time I read all of the blogs about how much you all do and instead of inspiring me, I have just been beating myself up about what I am not doing.

One of the blogs I read anonymously is Little Miss Runnerpants. She recently did a post that I felt tapped into what I was feeling. The post is titled, how, just...How? She is much more accomplished than I, and my question is much more basic. I have no kids, good job(s), a supportive husband and good health...and I can not understand how you all do all that you do!

To put it bluntly I have been feeling sorry for myself...for no good reason.

And on top of that I have seen pictures of myself recently that I was not totally happy with. I did not feel that i looked "fat" just not the way that I wanted to look.

I have also been looking at other people a lot recently and wondering what they are thinking about me. Not healthy, I know.

I thought of Dr. Gregory and the speech that he gave me two years ago about not letting my health "slip" through the years. I think he must be watching over me, I think he tapped me on the shoulder once again.

On top of everything I KNOW that I am in a bad place. I KNOW that I can and should do more than I am! I read my older posts last night and I wondered where that person went.

I have allowed the excuses to creep in.


I am not a morning person. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you - don't bother me before I have had coffee and food. AND on top of that I might just be crabby until noon anyway.

When I worked at the Sports Barn I had to open, at 4am, a couple of times and I told myself I will NEVER work out this early.

Well, this morning I did!

I did not want to get up at 5:40am, I went anyway.

My hair looked a mess, I went anyway.

I did not have a knee brace for my left knee, I went anyway.

I could not find my ipod, I went anyway.

I got there and realized that I had not brought my watch or my HR monitor, I worked out anyway.

I could not believe how sloppy I looked, compared to everyone else, in my track pants and T Shirt, I worked out anyway.

People said Hi to me and I grunted out of disbelief that they were so cheerful this early in the morning, and I worked out anyway.


The other day Bullet wrote a post about That first 10 minutes. He talks about how difficult those first 10 minutes are for him and how, once he gets past those first 10 minutes he gets into a rhythm. Another post that I totally connect to.

I walked for 5 minutes to warm up.

I ran two minutes and I walked for three for 30 minutes.

I walked for 5 minutes to cool down.

I went for 2.6 miles

After the First 10 Minutes, I felt great!

And I realized that a morning workout is the perfect way to get my back in the groove. There is ONE excuse at 5:40 in the morning...Don't want to get out of bed. I can get over one excuse.

At 5:40 in the morning there are no meetings, no classes, no invites to go out to eat, no feelings of guilt for wanting to workout instead of cooking, no worries about the gym being too busy, and there is no way to be too tired from the day!

AND...I feel great. I feel better than I have in a while. I feel like I can go about my day without worrying about when and if I an going to work out? I can worry about when I might fit in a nap!

And the truth of the matter is that I have a great husband. Scott went to the gym by himself yesterday morning and, per my request, made sure my grumpy butt was out of bed to go this morning. So, shout out to the truest support system I have:

Now...if I can just get up tomorrow morning...just kidding, I'll let you know about tomorrow too!

Take Care

It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
-One Republic


Andra Sue said...

Here's my $0.02, something I have been meaning to write about lately that I've realized: to be able to stick to a workout routine, I truly believe you have to exercise for exercising's sake. Not to just hurry and get through it, only to go on with your day or to quick get home and eat dinner or whatever. You really have to focus on how the exercise is an end in and of itself, nourishing your body and mind. It can't just be a means to an end of looking better or what have you.

Does that even make any sense? I need to compose an actual post about it once I've thought it through a little more eloquently. Anyway, your struggle kind of made me think about it. :)

Oh, and you're not the only one making unhealthy comparisons these days...seems to be a fairly universal thing for a lot of us this month, for whatever reason. Some kind of weird vibe is out there I guess!

Colleen said...

Molly my dear - you are much more normal that you think!!! I compare myself all the time with everyone around me - my husband, my inlaws, my friends, my family, total strangers... It's one of my biggest flaws, but as a woman I think it's perfectly normal. But what makes you unique is all that matters, not what everyone else is doing!!! All you can do is take one step at a time. Sounds like today was perfect and I give you total props for getting a morning workout in. I really think that it's one of the hardest things to do, but by far one of the most beneficial ways to start a day. You just don't have the chore lingering over you for the rest of the day. Hope tomorrow starts off just as good! I'll be thinking about ya!

Danielle said...

You know, I think we all do comparisons of ourselves to's normal. I know I look better than a lot, but those that look better than know.

As far as the feeling down. I think this time of year is particularly hard. That transition time from winter to spring, just wanting spring so bad. I know I get into really bad places and really bad feelings. Just want to go home and crawl into bed and skip the workout. But you know, if you get the workout in, as you discovered in getting up and going, you feel better after the workout. I'm with you on not being a morning person, yet I'm forcing myself to the gym (only once this week, I've reset the alarm every other day, bad!!) in the morning and I feel better after a good workout. Of course I keep telling myself this is a "fall back" week, so it's fine to cut back on the workouts (but I should still be doing that crosstraining maybe). Hopefully next week I can get back to the morning thing. Get yourself working out though, I definitely think you'll realize how much better you feel and soon it will become a habit.

Randy - Maniac #788 said...

Well, when I saw your intro to this blog I had visions of "TOM" blogging but I see that males and females do share some commonality and your blog has hit upon it big time. Thanks for putting those words to the screen. You give me some inspiration for blogging about some of the reason, maybe THE biggest reason I've not run much this year, at least to this point. Now I've got some ammunition to consider for my own version of THE struggle...where did it all go..that runner from last year...where did I fall? I keep asking myself and looking for answers.