It's not always rainbows and butterflies

Got up and went for a run this morning...easy 30 minutes...felt good and felt strong. I did have some trouble keeping my HR down. I was only in the zone for 18 minutes. Plan on a long run tomorrow!

Took a quick shower and headed out. Treated my Mom and sister to pedicures as my mother's day gift to them. My sister's husband threw his back out and so she had both kids (the 4 month old and 2 and a half year old) you would think that would be crazy...but it was fun. We went to lunch and all had a great time!

I am headed to the kitchen to cook. We are going to Scott's brother's house tonight. His sister in law and I are making dinner. I am making a pasta salad and a caprese salad.

Poor Koz is sick...he must have eaten something bad...lucky me had to scurry around and leave...so S got to clean up the evidence of his sickness.

I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along,
yeah (Maroon Five)

You need to know this situation's getting old

So things have been going really well with my running...and I have been really happy with my progress.

Last night I was an hour early for yoga (they had changed the time but had not changed the flyer you pick up in the gym) and left b/c I had planned on cooking dinner and also I did not want to run in my yoga clothes...so no workout yesterday.

Got up this morning had my oatmeal...everything was normal. I decided to take off on a run around 10. I am sure you are figuring out by now...it did not go well. I came up with some possible reasons why...

1. It was 10:00 and 73 degrees outside

2. There were a lot of people out in the neighborhood I started in and I think I (really) picked up my normal pace to impress them (yuck)

3. I was listening to newer, faster music...trying to pick up my pace (to get three miles in 36 minutes)

So, I ran a good twenty minutes and started to feel really bad. I tried to talk myself through it and slow my pace...nothing worked. I got to feeling faint and I just could not handle it physically or mentally. I walked the 15 minutes back home...never feeling strong enough to pick it back up.

I am feeling pretty down about this...I am running 5.6 miles in a month and it WILL be hot and there WILL be a lot of people there and I DO need to pick up my pace.

Any thoughts on other methods I need to use to get through walls when I hit them on the road?I am also wondering if i should go back out tonight and give it another try?

Thanks y'all
Molly

I know you know I know
So what's the point in being slow
Let's get the show on the road today
(Kelly Clarkson)

I'm leavin on a jet plane

OH MY...weight lifting kicked my shrinking butt last night!!!!

Plan on yoga tonight and a 36 minute (hopefully 3 mile) run afterwards.

Cool Story:

On July 23rd 1997 I was flying to Litchfield Beach to meet my family for vacation. At the time my Dad was the Chairman on the NTSB and was investigating several airplane incidents. I was also doing research for a company that was developing a neural network system that would allow pilots information in the best way possible, based on their individual differences, during crisis situations. So, I was reading accident reports to see if there was any information on pilot response that might confirm my theory that pilots would respond better in stressful situations if they are given important information in a individualized manner.

ANYWAY...It was one of those days that you DO NOT want to fly...grey outside and raining. Scott basically had to push me on the plane (he was staying behind). I was so scared I was shaking and felt sick and started to cry hysterically. I had a hooded sweatshirt with me and pulled it over my head and sat there shaking. All of a sudden the pilot's voice came over the intercom and he said something to the effect of:

I know that the weather looks bad outside and that many of you might be nervous about flying today. I want you to know that I have a wife and kids at home and my life is very important to me. I would not fly today if I thought it was too dangerous.

All of a sudden there was a person that I trusted flying the plane and my fears were calmed, to the point that I was not hysterical. When we safely landed I grabbed the only thing I could find, the barf bag from the seat pocket and scribbled out a note explaining how my Dad's position and my research had induced a fear of flying and that what he said had made me feel so much better. On the way off the plane I asked the stewardess to give my note to the Captain.

Recently (March, this year...ten years later!) my father received a letter from that Captain...Captain Lucas who is no longer flying puddle jumpers and is now an Airbus Captain. He says that he was going through a box of things and found my note. He googled my Dad and found our website. He went on to say that he developed the pattern of letting the passengers know that a he is as concerned as the passengers as making it to their destination safely. In my note I said that he made my day and he wanted to let me know that my trust in him had made his day!

I am in the process of writing Captain Lucas back...he is a man that I will never forget!


So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
cause I'm leavin on a jet plane
Don't know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go (PP&M)

To everything - turn, turn, turn There is a season - turn, turn, turn

Great run last night. I did a 40 minute HR ROAD run (for those of you who do not know I am a treadmill devotee). I stayed within my heart rate parameters for 39 minutes...I am not ashamed to say I was so proud of myself and felt REAL good!

Newbie question of the day:

For a HR run I don't really need to know mileage...but later in the week I am doing mileage type runs...trying to get 3 miles in 36 minutes on Wednesday and an hour run on Saturday...do I get a pedometer, or drive around the hood and figure out landmarks....any other ideas that I am not thinking about?

Thoughts from the shower...a big SHOUT OUT:

When I started this blog it was intended to act as a journal to help me with the daily struggles of having OCD. I do not have the type of OCD that is commonly thought of and portrayed in movies (a la Jack Nicholson in As Good as it Gets). I am the obsessive type. I have trouble letting go of thoughts...I have a history of obsessing about my health...every disease I read about I am convinced I have. While this is somewhat common, where I divert is the ability to be reasonable about it and the ability to let it go. Panic Attacks result and my life is not the way that I want it to be. After a crazy year last year I was on a high dosage of meds and was controlling the symptoms...but on a high dose of meds was not where I wanted to be.

A few days into the blog world I met Andy, who met Johnny Tri. I was so impressed with JT that I started reading his blog daily and checking out the Tri blogs that he referenced. Pretty soon I realized that everyone had their ups and downs, but found strength in what their bodies COULD do, as opposed to worrying about what they might not be able to do. Soon I was trading comments with I've Landed, Skirough, Allez, Steven and more recently Laurie and momo.

I am a proud triathlete wanna be. You all truly inspire me. If you told me a year ago that I would be looking forward to lacing up my sneakers and running, I would not have believed it. Yesterday I laced up my sneakers and had a great run. It is your guidance and advice and support and great example that helps me through some tough days.

I will no longer let my mind tell my body what it can or can not do. I have drastically reduced my meds to a maintenance level. I have more energy. I do not want to sleep all the time. I read more (books, less magazines) and I have much more self confidence.

I am blessed to have my family, my incredible husband and this online community that leaves me looking forward to every day instead of dreading the next.

THANKS Y'ALL!
Molly

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together (Byrds)

You aint nothin but a hound dog, Cryin all the time

I have to admit that when I went out of town I worried about Scott taking care of my baby Koz. I felt like an overprotective mother who did not think that anyone else could take care of their child.

Well, I was obsessive at first, texting often, checking in. Making sure that he did not miss a detail. I quickly found out that everything was under control and that I was being so silly.

I realized I should trust S more I should not discount what individual strengths he will bring while raising our baby boy. For example, when I came home S had bought Koz a little tag for his halter. In the past I have always bought Koz his toys, collars, tags, food and bones. The fact that S had thought to get Koz a present was, well...

...hysterical...notice the (new) cute little blue tag S got...It says...

"Anyone seen my BALLS?"

I guess that with my trust must come his sense of humor!

When they said you was high classed,
Well, that was just a lie (Elvis)

It's those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes nothing remains quite the same.

I'm back!

SO happy to see S and the Koz and my house and my bed and the blooming peonies...ahhh there's no place like home!

Sand running is hard! I had my first really good run this morning...I hit the streets around the beach house. Ran thirty solid minutes...could have run longer but I needed to jump in the shower and help pack the car.

One thing that I wonder, because I struggled through side stitches the entire week...on the treadmill my pace and "rhythm" is set by the machine. I wonder if my struggle on the road is finding my pace...which in turn throws my breathing off and causes the stitches...any thoughts?

Not to mention that my stomach is TOTALLY out of whack...Chicago, the beach...I think that I spoiled my sensitive little friend with a routine of bland food that has been SO BADLY interrupted that it does not know what to do (literally, if you know what I mean, I know...gross).

Had a great relaxing time at the beach. Read Judge and Jury by James Patterson and Oprah's Book Club Book, The Road by Cormac McCarthy...that is an odd book that I could not put down! I am still not sure what I thought of it and I am not sure if I recommend it...I did such a poor job of trying to describe it to my Momma that she did not even want to attempt it! I plan on getting on the Oprah site soon and reading some other people's interpretations. Opted for another Patterson, London Bridges, next to attempt to lay aside the heavy feeling The Road left me with.

When I was not relaxing I was playing with my 7, 2 and a half and 8 month old cousins! Oh my, my cousin Amy has her hands full!

Probably going to hit the gym with S in the morning before we head to a family function about an hour out of town. Need to get some weight training work in...I have abandoned that totally in the last two weeks.

I did just buy some shorts on line that I think are the best shorts EVER! I bought some spur of the moment in Chicago and have fallen in love...I got these Nike Tempo Running shorts. I also got a couple of swim suits at Athleta...my mom has told be that my butt has been disappearing since I started running, and it did not become evident to me until I tried suits on for this trip (did not need any...too cold) and the bottoms were so saggy they looked like I was carrying a load! If you can believe it I am leaving a week from Tuesday for the Tuks and Caicos for the destination wedding of a good friend of our family, (Thank goodness Mom and Dad are footing the bill on this one!) and I will have beach time for sure on that trip!

Hope to get back into it next week with a HR run Monday, Weight Class Tuesday, Tempo Run and yoga Wednesday, Weight Class Thursday, HR run Friday, yoga Saturday and long run on Sunday...WOW that looks scary all layed out!

Look forward to catching up with everyone!

Take Care
Molly

Reading departure signs in some big airport
Reminds me of the places I've been.
Visions of good times that brought so much pleasure
makes me want to go back again.
If it suddenly ended tomarrow,
I could somehow adjust to the fall.
Good times and riches and son of a bitches,
I've seen more than I can recall... (Buffet)

Round round get around, I get around

I'm at the beach.
Perfect weather for flying yesterday.First run on the beach last night...tough! Plan on going on a long one tomorrow morning...no HR monitor, no mileage...I'm just going to run!
We are at Litchfield Beach, SC. I am hanging with Momma at Latte Litchfield, the only place in town with wireless...that being said I will probably be absent for a while. I'll check in at the end of the week to let you know how the beach running is going!
Missing S and Koz already...otherwise I am a happy girl!
Y'all take Care!
freckled Molly

I get around
Get around round round I get around
My kind o' town
Get around round round I get around
I'm a real cool head
Get around round round I get around